Photo via Splash

"Product placement" takes on a whole new meaning in the ad campaign for Tom Ford's new fragrance for men: a cologne bottle is presented, variously, between a woman's thighs, squeezed between her breasts, and at the center of what might be described as a "beaver shot" in less polite company (except that the beaver in question is as hairless as a baby seal). If you ask us, the latter image calls to mind stirrups, a speculum, and an annual exam. But then again, nobody did ask us, because we're clearly not the target audience for this gynecological approach to product sales. So we asked an Average Guy to explain the ad's appeal, and he told us, "The pose makes guys think of porn. Porn makes guys happy."

We probed further, asking, "So does the bottle represent a penis? Or is the cologne supposed to smell like a vagina? Is she trying to fuck the bottle?" To which Average Guy responded, "You're over-thinking it." Clearly. Which may explain why our heads hurt after trying to figure out what the hell is going on in the banned-from-MTV ad for Sean Jean's new cologne. All we have is questions. Like, why does Puff Daddy insist on wearing his sunglasses at night? And did P. Diddy pay MTV to ban it, just to get us all to watch it? (Because we're having trouble figuring out quite how this ad causes offense in a way that, say, the "Baby Got Back" and "Thong Song" music videos never did.) Is that horror music playing in the background? Is she the "unforgivable woman" because she won't put out? Is the hook-up his fantasy or a flash-forward to the end of the night? Is she about to tie him up or is he about to date-rape her? And why does the end of the ad remind us of an NC-17 Cialis commercial where the couple has their backs to each other in the bedroom because he can't get it up? And finally, why are we so convinced that Diddy would be a duddy in bed?