The latest installment of McSweeneys.net's genius feature, "Short Imagined Monologues," is by our friend Jay Dyckman, and is titled "Upon Hearing Fred's Usual Suggestion That the Gang Split Up, Velma Raises a Few Issues." Finally, the roots of the show's sexual tension (not to mention Velma's ubiquitous cowel-neck) are revealed! Though if you ask us, Velma wouldn't have been half as frustrated if she'd focused less on disparaging Daphne's sluttiness and more on getting laid herself.