We know it might seem like we talk about masturbation a lot. Okay, it doesn't just seem like it. We do talk about masturbation a lot. But we feel a professional obligation to because so many women out there still think self-love is weird or wrong or gross or boring or just a poor substitute for the real thing. We even met a Playboy TV host once who told us--on air, no less!--that she didn't ever "need" to rub one out because she "gets dick." (Of course, she was also interviewing us in her underwear at the time and had only covered up her boobs at our diva-like request--we just didn't want to be upstaged by her silicone wonders--so perhaps it shouldn't have surprised us that female pleasure wasn't exactly at the top of her agenda.)

But anyway, that masturbation study we mentioned on Friday included one more stat that we haven't been able to get out of our heads*: 19 percent of the men surveyed admitted to rubbing one out in the bathroom stall at the office. (In related news, 16 percent of men who have Internet access at work have viewed porn while on the job. We guess the remaining 3 percent just channeled all that "energy" into their work.)

But the masturbation survey contained no information at all about women indulging in a little southern comfort in the workplace. Surely at least one of you out there has taken her quiet, discreet mini vibrator to the ladies' room during a particularly slow day at the office?! (In probably unrelated news, that porn survey found that 8 percent of women had viewed porn in the workplace but only 3 percent of them "meant" to. Either way, we wouldn't expect a direct correlation in this case, given the dire state--and intended audience--of most Internet porn. We'd probably get more turned on at a Yanni concert.) So ladies, let's have a show of hands: have you ever polished the china at work? If not, we hope we've planted a dirty idea in your head for the next time your smarmy boss asks you to work overtime on those TPS reports.

*We can't decide if this is because the idea is kind of hot or if it's because we're wondering how many men we've worked with did this and then didn't wash their hands afterward. We think it's probably a disturbing combination of the two.