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Nigella Lawson, the woman dubbed "culinary crumpet" by British Esquire magazine (lost-in-translation note: a crumpet is not just something that's good toasted with butter, it's also a sexually attractive woman) doesn't quite get the appeal of bringing food into the bedroom. And this from a woman whose cooking shows have been described as food porn, thanks to her habit of rather seductively licking the spoon and her fingers on air. (Not to mention the fact that she looks like she might actually enjoy food every now and then.) "I've never understood that whole dripping chocolate on someone," she says. "I can see how if you're with someone you're not particularly interested in, then using food as a prop might help. But food with sex just doesn't do it for me."

Of course, this could be due in part to her attraction to hairy men ("I like an animal. Hairy back, hairy everywhere. I don't understand why a woman would want to be with a hairless man.")--sticky foods and hairy body parts just don't mix. But then again, we've dated all over the hirsute scale and we couldn't agree with Nigella more. Why spoil good sex by making it all sticky? And why waste good food by getting it all over the bed and not actually, you know, eating it? When we think of food and sex we think of having to take a shower and change the sheets before cuddling/collapsing into sleep. Or worse, we think of the potential UTIs and vaginal infections as a result of getting sugary whipped cream in our sensitive bits. Just call us the life of the sex party!