Daily Bedpost - All About Sex with Em & Lo

HOROSCOPES 10.08.2007 BY EM & LO

Seeing Stars for the Week of October 8th, 2007

aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th) Every time you open your mouth, you're so quick to stick something in it. How about a little communication? Open up, articulate your desires, share with the group. You can even talk dirty if you like -- we won't laugh. Besides, it's hard to rely on subtle hints and body language if you want to express to your partner that you'd like them to dress up in a tutu and use you as a balancing rail.

taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th) Oh dear Taurus, do you know why you're having such little luck in love? Because you're not sending out the right signals. You may be wearing your special underwear everyday, but does anyone else know that? We're not suggesting you flash all passersby -- instead, you've got to speak in code! We're not quite sure what the secret code is for "Hey, wanna see my special underwear?" but you should experiment and see what works for you . . . Send a flirty email, buy them a coffee, spend an extra minute at the water-cooler. If none of that works, then you can flash them.

gemini (May 21st-June 21st) When Tom Cruise felt "the need for speed," did he rent a Moped? Neither should you.

cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd) Don't believe everything you read on the web, especially if it's in someone's online dating profile. Meet in person before calling each other schmoopy, inviting them to your house in the country, or agreeing to anything involving a ballgag and a dog bowl.

leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd) No matter how good you are in the sack (and rumor has it you're pretty damn good) you're going to have to offer a little above-the-neck stimulation if you want to keep the hotties hanging around for breakfast. (And no, we're not talking about French kissing.) If you prefer to brunch alone, feel free to head back down south and continue your marathon oral sex sesh -- just don't coming crying to us when you've been brunching alone for ten long, hard, cold years and those blueberry pancakes just can't fill the void.

virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd) Don't deny the world the fabulousness of you this week. Get out. Have fun. Don't drink too many dirty martinis.

libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd) Sometimes the planets align just so for one, sole, humble purpose: to make you dynamite in the sack for a week. Forget about world peace or tidal changes, this is all about a booty call of stellar proportions. So for booty's sake, make sure you're in some kind of sack this week, otherwise it will have all been for naught.

scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd) How do you expect your partner to know where you stand when you keep moving around the chessboard of love without following any of the rules? Don't rush, take turns making moves, and don't jump anyone you're not supposed to. Otherwise, you'll end up playing with yourself.

sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st) Your easy going nature will attract romantic interests this week. But then your need to spill your guts will send them away screaming.

capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th) You're not thinking clearly this week -- even from seven states away, this much is clear to us. You're highly likely to screw up any major decision you have to make. So stay home, and avoid encounters with anyone except family members and drinking buddies you've known for at least a decade. This week, appointment TV (yay the new fall line-up!) is your friend.

aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th) Someone might be trying to gently steer you towards commitment. If this change in direction causes you to feel short of breath and claustrophobic, and/or brings on panic attacks, then we suggest you back away slowly. If that doesn't help, then see a doctor -- it's probably just asthma.

pisces (Feb. 19th-Mar. 20th) This is a pretty good week to meet someone at a work-related event. So dig deep for your last ounce of company morale and show up for that stupid capture-the-flag event your boss organized "to get everyone pumped." Because who knows? Next week, you might get pumped by a coworker. Or, you could just get fired.

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