Image via Splash

We don't subscribe to Playboy magazine, but a friend of ours who does gets a thrill out of going into work and being like, "I've got to fax this porn to my buddy's wife." Which is how we know that a recent issue features an interview with eight campus sex columnists--seven women and one douchebag guy from the University of New Orleans who says things like, "If you fuck one girl, fuck her good because she's going to tell all her friends. Word of mouth is the best advertisement." Apparently a good male sex columnist is hard to find. He's also the only one of the group who thinks that having a boatload of sex is a job requirement.

Anyway, usually when we read about young whipper-snappers like this who were weaned on Sex & the City, we feel incredibly out of touch. In fact, we're not sure we could have handled college and writing about sex. (Kate Prengaman from William & Mary describes how a guy "underperformed" during a hook-up--we're gonna go with beer dick--and then said, "Oh my God I can't believe I hooked up with the sex columnist. You're going to write about this aren't you?" before screaming and running out of her house.) But then we got to the part about how many girls on campus make out with each other to impress the guys. Puh-lease--that was so our party trick back in the late '90s! Is that all you've got for us, ladies? The interview isn't online, so here are some more highlights:

• According to Lara Loewenstein at UCLA, "Slut is still an insult. But then so is virgin."

• Lingerie parties are huge. As is posting photos of yourself on Facebook to show off how wasted you were.

• Most people don't see what the big deal is about porn.

• Blowjob advice is old news but telling women to use lube is still a solid.

• According to Nicole Wroten at Loyola, "A lot of these Catholic so-called virgins don't consider oral sex to be sex. They use the title virgin to mean 'I haven't had intercourse.' Or maybe 'just the tip, to see how it feels.'"

• Christine Borden from UCal at Berkeley says she has been "trying to peg my boyfriend for months." We're not so sure that was on anyone's to-do list back when we were in school.

• Margo Scott from Northwestern thinks that "a nice dick is a great turn-on" and so she likes to tell guys, "Your cock's gorgeous!" or, "You have a fucking beautiful dick." We suddenly feel like prudes.

• The douchebag from New Orleans likes "everything about women--their bodies, that's number one. But they also have a certain naive mind-set that I find attractive." Turns out that the campus newspapers may be evolving, but the campus douchebag? Not so much.
  

• And according to a Playboy campus poll, 71% of students own porn, 27% of female students and 21% of male students have had a threeway, 25% of students have been filmed having sex, and 49% of female students have bared it all for a camera phone. (And you wondered where all that amateur porn on the web was coming from.)

We're, um, off to make some chamomile tea.