Daily Bedpost - All About Sex with Em & Lo

ROUNDUP 11.19.2007 BY EM & LO

It's "Men Dream Up the News" Day!

Photo via Splash

If they wrote the songs...oh wait, they do:

The breaking news: Boobs are getting bigger (and we're not talking about the enhanced kind). In the past decade, the average natural bust size in the U.K. has gone from 34B to 36C. (Related: Scarlett Johansson talks affectionately about her girls: "They're my feminine wiles, my charms, and I'm very proud of them." But they grow up so fast, don't they, Scarlett?)
What this really means, dude: It still doesn't feel good when you squeeze them like stress balls.

The breaking news: Scientists prove it wasn't his fault (whatever "it" it is you might be accusing him of): Just hanging around blondes makes men do dumb things.
What this really means, dude: We knew this already. And it's still your fault.

The breaking news: Angelina Jolie--humanitarian of the year, mother of the millennium, Marianne Pearl BFF--still has time to shop for sex toys.
What this really means, dude: She's probably not very funny.

The breaking news: Sex in late pregnancy is totally safe, unrelated to the onset of labor.

What this really means, dude: Just because she can do it doggie style now, doesn't mean she necessarily wants to.
The breaking news: Christina Aguilera's boobs continue to respond remarkably well to her "condition."
What this really means, dude: If you squeeze them like stress balls now, expect the pepper spray. And no blowjobs til the kid's fifth birthday.
The breaking news: Isla Fisher (a.k.a. fiancée of Sacha Baron Cohen) is a svelte hottie less than a month after giving birth. Also, she's probably very funny.
What this really means, dude: Can we please not talk about this?
The breaking news: An affair might just save your relationship and improve your sex life.
What this really means, dude: Also, did you know that chopping off your hands is an effective way to end nail-biting forever!

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4 Comments

Robin said:

Well, I suppose if my boobs were responsible for my career I'd be proud of them, too. It's just a shame that "Betty & Veronica" can't act do ScarJo's acting for her because I bet their delivery would be a lot less wooden...

November 20, 2007 10:15 PM

Sara said:

What she said. I concede that Miss Scarlett has lovely ta-tas. So lovely, in fact, that have served as a convenient substitute for her complete inability to project any stage persona other than "Like, duh."

November 21, 2007 12:57 AM

noah said:

her acting isn't all that's wooden, robin.

November 21, 2007 3:40 AM

Viola said:

I have a girl crush on Isla Fisher solely based on paparazzi photos of her looking so adorable (holding baby Borat, in the parking lot at Coffee Bean, whatevs). Is she, like, an actress or something?

November 26, 2007 3:37 PM

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