K-Fed. Pros: If you're looking for a sperm donor, he's clearly packing. Back-up dancer = serious moves in the sack. And Lo once saw him in the Malibu Blockbuster and reports that he is "Surprisingly hot actually." (And this from someone who usually prefers her men skinny, indie, and hairless.) Cons: He might write you a rap. Back-up dancer = serious Napoleon complex. And he seems like the kind of guy who has a hidden video camera in his bedroom (seriously, Kev, we're not buying that whole Dad of the Year act).

Patrick Dempsey. Pros: You've loved him ever since he wore that dorky cowboy hat on his ride-on mower in 1987's Can't Buy Me Love and it's time to consummate that love, dammit. That's his real birth name--no chi-chi stage name for him. (For some reason we just find that kind of sexy. Because who wants to yell out a made-up name as you come?) Cons: Um, you don't want to be a home-wrecker? You don't want to pick the obvious answer? We're fresh out of cons, sorry.

Brad Pitt. Pros: That bod. That face. That scene in Thelma and Louise that you've been masturbating to since it came out. And if you like to be on top, you know he's a total bottom. Cons: Total bottom, even when you're tired and hungover and just want to lie there, missionary-style. Dumb as rocks. And isn't he into co-sleeping with the kids? Serious baggage.

David Beckham. Pros: That bod. That face. Those tats. And you know he'd be up for any kink you asked for: Women's underwear? Check. Eyeliner? Check. Role-playing? Check. Bondage? Check. Cons: That high-pitched baby voice. Also, dumber than Brad Pitt.