Rudy Giuliani. Pros: Considering the number of times he's willingly dressed in women's clothing, we can only assume he's down with roleplaying in the sack. And we bet he'd dress up as a fire fighter if that's your thing, so long as you were willing to yell out "Oh Mayor, My Mayor" as you came. Cons: That overbite. He was endorsed by Pat Robertson. And he dumped his wife during a press conference, which makes us think he doesn't pay a good deal of attention to the female orgasm.

Mitt Romney. Pros: The only looker of the group, he's actually handsome enough to play himself in a movie. Plus his presidential poise is alpha-sexy. Cons: There's that whole Mormon thing. They're not into cunnilingus, right? At least, that's what we learned from watching Big Love on HBO.

John McCain. Pros: Sexy fighter pilot war hero POW. And somewhere inside him is still that Republican that even Democrats can snuggle up to. (Remember when he was Jon Stewart's BFF?) And you know there's got to be a little dirty talk on the Straight Talk Express. Cons: Wrong war, unless you like your heroes old and wrinkly. And like our mommas told us, you can't sleep with someone for the potential they used to have. His face looks like it belongs to one of those babies with that disease that ages them decades before they can even walk. Finally, anyone who thinks a sweater can be gay is clearly no fun in bed.