Leo DiCaprio. Pros: You can roleplay "Going down on the Titanic." Plus, he seems to be into serial monogamy these days, so he might just make you his girlfriend. Cons: Traveled with the Pussy Posse. Total model chaser (since he was, like, 13). Could you really date someone who used to see Gisele naked on a daily basis? Also, he's prettier than you.

Colin Farrell. Pros: That accent. And if you've spent any time on Internet gossip sites, you're already familiar with his "manhood." No blind date here! (Sorry, no links: his attorney made everyone remove the pics.) Cons: That accidental kid he had with a model? Um, someone hasn't been using condoms, most likely. Also, is it just us, or is he kind of a cheeseball?

Kid Rock. Pros: If you never got to piss off your parents in high school, this would really take care of that. Plus, if some dude grabbed your ass in a night club, you know he'd wail on the guy. Cons: Two words: Pamela Anderson. Oh wait, two more: Paris Hilton.

Adam Levine. Pros: Um, we guess if you're a fan of Maroon 5's music? Also, we bet he could convince your grandmother that, deep down, he's just a nice Jewish boy looking to settle down. Cons: You just know he's a locker-room blabber. And please, sleeping with Adam Levine is such a cliché. What are you gonna do next, check into rehab? Also, we bet he likes to have sex to his own music.

John Mayer. Pros: If you never dated someone in high school who serenaded you with "More Than Words" or "Brown-Eyed Girl," we bet he'd do it. Cons: He's the worst kind of player: the kind who pretends to be the nice boyfriend-in-a-Gap-wool-scarf type and then boom, one day just suddenly stops calling you.