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When we saw the headline "Be Honest About the Bachelor Party," we figured we were in for some juicy tales of men mistaking their bachelor party for a monogamy loophole. Instead, we just get a bunch of people talking about strip clubs. One woman even had her marriage freakin' annulled because her fiancé had strippers at his bachelor party. Really, people? Tacky, yes, but a serious threat to a relationship? And something that needs to be "cleared with management" in advance?

Come on. Maybe we're naive, but we always assumed that the, er, talent at a strip club were the hardest women to get it on with, given all the security and no-touching rules. Besides, don't most bachelorette parties these days involve strippers, too? A bride-to-be's last night is no longer just an opportunity for her friends to remind her what a big slut she used to be before she got engaged (condom earrings required). Sure, the Chippendale wannabe in question is probably wider than he is tall, gayer than he is straight, and more hairless than any of the women in attendance--but still, he's a stripper.

And maybe we're cynical, but we also thought that there were plenty of men out there who helped themselves to a lot more than just a lap dance on their last night. What about all the men who assume that an anonymous blowjob or one last roll in the hay (a.k.a. bachelor party booty) is an unspoken privilege of the soon-to-be-wed, especially if the man's college buddies are paying for it and/or the "one last fling" is wearing nipple tassels. Are we just imagining that men like this exist? Or are they just too smart to go blabbing to an AP reporter about it? And what about the women: Are there any ladies out there who help themselves to a little don't-ask-don't-tell bachelorette party booty?

Our philosophy was always this: Receiving a lap dance is acceptable (though cheesy) bachelor(ette) party behavior; receiving a hand job is not--unless, of course, one's fiancé(e) has given prior, explicit permission. And a "signed" permission slip that the best man or maid of honor claims to have procured from said fiancé(e) does not count.