12.28.2007  BY EM & LO
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As we've said before, it's never a good idea to ask a man to choose between you and his dog--chances are, the dog stays in the picture. (In fact, a friend of ours once offended a woman by refusing to even go on a second date with her after he discovered she was allergic to his dog. "But we can sleep over at my place!" she said. He informed her that this wasn't a good long-term plan and besides, he'd rather wake up with his dog.)

But assuming you can live with the mutt, does it make a difference what kind? Curb Your Enthusiam star Susie Essman recently told Animal Fair magazine, "You want a guy that's good in bed? Find a guy with a Shih Tzu or a Pomeranian or a little Yorkie. Because if he's secure enough in his sexuality to carry around a fru-fru little dog like that, that is a guy who's a keeper." Or, you know, gay.

But the woman has a point--we've always believed the pit bull to be the crotch rocket of the animal kingdom. And you really think a guy with a Rottweiler is gonna go down on you? Also beware of a man with a chocolate Lab--that spells n-e-e-d-y. The only reason guys get chocolate labs is because they can't get laid without one.

And there's more from Essman: "Never go out with a guy with a Beagle. I know they're cute, cute, cute, but they're dumb, dumb, dumb, and they have no attention span, so you're with the guy and he might not know what to do--the next night, you have to tell him all over again." So do tell--in your experience, can a man's choice of canine companion give you a hint as to what he'll be like under the covers?


3 Comments

Tiffany said:

Yes, definitely, a man's dog tells a lot about how he'll be in bed. The bigger the dog, the crappier the sex.

Arkadiy said:

65 lbs. and no complaints so far!

Chrissy said:

My fiance has 3 giant schnauzers, each of them weighing in at around 140 lbs, and he's also the most mindblowing shag I've had - this from a woman who is not a prude or adverse to a very varied sex life. Thus I'm marrying him, and we're keeping the dogs. On the other hand, we've recently gotten a kitten and a chinchilla, so maybe you should look for hints of his prowess in the non-canine pet department. A man who is secure enough to melt at the sight of a kitten and nurse a chinchilla with a broken paw back to health without complaint is a keeper.

(For the record, my three gay friends have chihuahuas, so the stereotype has at least some footing in reality.)

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Em & Lo, more formally known as Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey, are the self-proclaimed Emily Posts of the modern bedroom.

Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City.

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