Photo via Splash

With news of another possible Paris sex tape on the horizon (the question at this point is, does she ever do it off camera?), Santa being asked to replace his offensive "ho ho ho" with a cheery "ha ha ha" (which actually sounds kind of snarky and mean, if you ask us), grown men bickering over pizza and penis size, and a masturbator on the loose in Wal-Mart, it's easy to believe that the apocalypse is right around the corner. But 'tis the season for hope, and here's where we're finding ours this week...

• Julia Allison may have lost both a relationship and its attendant website, but she just keeps on blogging. And this week she recommends pooping--and fiber supplements, specifically--as a way to improve one's complexion. Anyone who blogs about the importance of healthy pooping is our new BFF, even if she forgot to mention the other brilliant thing about daily fiber supplements: better anal sex!

• The Brits are banishing the string vest! Could men in tank tops of any kind be far behind? Then the revolution of good taste will be complete.

• Madonna and Guy, just like us!
  

• Four words: David Beckham's jingle balls.

• Scientists are working on a better jog bra.

• A kick-ass one-time lapdancer with a depraved sense of humor somehow made it big in Hollywood (she wrote the screenplay for Juno). Also, her name is Diablo Cody. Also, her blog is named the Pussy Ranch. Shmamortion or no, we heart her.