Photo via Splash

Thank god we blog from home, because we hate to think what we would have done if these four pole-dancing "gal pals" (as the New York Daily News dubs them) had decided to stick their crotches in our faces on our morning commute. They were making a video for a website, DareJunkies.com, that promised $10K to the best public pole-dancing, so they took to the NYC subway to strut their stuff to Prince, George Michael, and Billy Idol. They call themselves the Pole-ite girls--check out their winning video on YouTube.

Now, we've had our dance space invaded in pretty extreme ways on the subway--Em once sat next to a woman who ate a box of fried chicken then used an envelope to dislodge the bits of chicken from her teeth...and finally spat those recently dislodged bits of chicken onto the subway floor--but nothing would trump unsolicited cleavage and pre-work pole-humping.

(And if you look closely, you'll see that most of the women who were trapped on the train with the wannabe Scores girls are rolling their eyes or screwing up their noses in agreement. Actually, even some of the men are too. God bless New Yorkers.)

Mostly, though, we're just horrified that anyone would choose to grind up against those poles--even for the chance of a 25% share of $10K. We can barely even touch the poles in gloved hands. Just riding the subway is enough to make us want to buy stock in Purell. Ladies, have you never seen somebody sneeze mucus into their hand right before using that same hand to steady themselves on the pole? When's the last time you actually saw someone cleaning those poles? (And yeah, our inability to see beyond such inconvenient details as subway grime stems from the same place as our inability to see past the fake boobs, ridiculous outfits, and cheeseball dialogue in order to enjoy most porn. It's also why we think of vaginal infections and sticky sheets whenever anyone mentions food and sex.)
 
Of course, not every subway rider would agree with us. A few British tourists missed six subway stops just to catch the end of the "performance" (presumably to see if the ladies would actually undress...plot spoiler: they don't). One guy catches the moves on his camera phone. A kid joins in with his own moves. And one guy gets a lap-dance while making that "Aw yeah baby I'm really into you" face that always looks to us a bit too much like the "Aw yeah I'm taking a dump" face.

But our favorite part of the story in the Daily News? When 25-year-old private dancer Jessica Wu from Queens tells the reporter, "Don't tell my mom." Um, hello, you just humped a pole on the MTA while dressed as a naughty school girl and 237,805 (and counting) people watched you do it on YouTube. Also, you're talking to a reporter. From the New York Daily News. And you're from Queens. New York.