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 Photo via Splash Most of the time the Modern Love column in the New York Times Style section annoys us too much to even comment on it. It's like a bunch of dysfunctional whiners airing their dirty laundry with no thought to art, humor, or self-deprecation. Imagine the co-worker you'd least like to spend your lunch break with. Now imagine being forced to listen in on their therapy sessions every week. That's Modern Love for you. (And yeah, the editors once rejected Em's Modern Love submission with a cold-hearted form letter, but she's over that now. Really.) Well, this week's column didn't have much art, humor, or self-deprecation to it--all key ingredients, we've found, when over-sharing with the general public--but it was nevertheless a story we couldn't put down: A woman tells how she pretty much gave up on female friendship--and, in particular, group female friendship--after being blackballed from her sorority 20 years ago for the "disgrace" of being date-raped while passed-out drunk. The reason everyone knew she was date-raped is that her "date" took the liberty of inviting his frat brothers to watch, a.k.a. a "ledge party." Oh yeah, and this is how she lost her virginity. You'd think this experience would be more likely to make a woman give up on male companionship. But a few of the frat boys eventually intervened and later apologized and then blackballed their date-raping bro, which helped the writer to move on. (Apparently back then, it was okay to spy on a woman without her knowledge, but poor sport to do so if she was unconscious. Oh, the good ol' days.) Later, in a moment of retribution, the stuff that very excellent Hollywood movies are made of (yes, we're talking about you, Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion) the writer then bumps into the one-time "sister" who lead the blackballing procedure decades earlier and learns that she's not doing so well. Misfortune, divorce, etc etc.--the usual. But of course, no matter how much you dream of moments like these, they typically bring neither closure nor joy. (When Em went to her ten-year high school reunion, determined to show them how she'd blossomed from the girl who ate her lunch in the bathroom stall, it turned out that no one really cared that much. In fact, no one really remembered her at all. And what's a before-and-after transformation without the "before"?!) The Modern Love story is an extreme case, but it got us to thinking: Why are mean girls moments so much harder to recover from compared to the punishments doled out by mean boys? And what's the mean girls moment from your past that hit you the hardest? 6 CommentsLeave a comment |
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For me, it's clear why it's more difficult to recover from a mean girls moment, since I tend to give myself up wholeheartedly to secure female companionship - hoping for 'ya-ya sisterhood' loyalty in return (supposedly, sorority sisterhood should serve as a premiere example of this?) But when girls turn on you, the betrayal is painstakingly difficult to recover from. I really can't blame Kelly.
getting hurt from boys is eventually inevitable - but no one ever expects the bumrush from girl pals.
I spent a year abroad in a house of hell, with four girls who went from loving me to hating me throughout the year (all because their "leader" thought I was going after her crush). I laughed my way through the year, but it hurt pretty bad to feel incapable of female companionship.
I agree with LiLo. You expect those friendships to be bastions of security and support, so when they come out and tell you that you're not that great of a writer after all and you're totally self-involved, it stings. Guys, on the other head? Your more programmed to expect their slights.
I am so with you - I've been all but ignoring Modern Love lately, but this week was captivating. What a horror, most of all to admit that there might be no recovery for her. Ugh.
My moment was in 6th grade, when in my role as the editor-in-chief of the school newspaper I "edited" the queen bee's article. Lord knows topic or edits. Anyhow, that was it for me. Thank god we started at a new school the next year! And great news - I recovered just fine, and have loads of great relationships with galpals...
What happened to the writer of that article is terrible. To me however, the sorority system always seemed to be been a false way to gain friendship. Having to pay to hang out with people in a group seems inauthentic to me. I'm not surprised that these pseudo-friends turned on her in her time of need.