We have been known to dress up as flight attendants in order to share safety tips on flying Anal Airlines (something about phrases like "baggage shifting during flight" and "emergency exit" just screamed double entendre to us). And one of the points we really emphasize in our skit is that any toy taking the back road should have a flared base so it doesn't get lost up there. No carrots, no flashlights, and no dildos unless they're specifically designed for the servant's entrance. And this is not just urban legend: Em's sister is an ER nurse and has personally retrieved a number of, er, lost property items from patients' bums--from a can of Axe body spray to, most recently, a vibrator (still buzzing!) from a woman who admitted, with some mortification, that she'd stolen the batteries from her grandson's train set.

It happens more easily than you would think: the sphincter muscles just have a Dyson-like way of sucking things up, especially with all that lube floating around (and if you don't have all that lube floating around, then you risk doing a whole different kind of damage). So anyway, we were horrified to read on the Good Vibes blog that sometimes even butt plugs with flared bases can get sucked in! Even when total butt-pirating experts are playing with them!

Apparently if you're a little over-enthusiastic in your anal play, the small-flared base of a butt plug just won't cut it. So we'd like to amend our advice to say this: any toy taking the back road should have a large flared base. And if you want to actually thrust with your toy, go for a dildo rather than a butt plug, just like the nice lady blogger says--the latter are just meant to stay in place while you get on with your business, whether that's a 69 or doing the dishes. And if you're ever not sure? Don't stick it where the sun don't shine. And here ends your PSA for the day.