Hey Em and Lo,

Let me first say, I am happily married and totally in love. With no reason but pure curiosity about old friends, I've reconnected with two random guys from my college years. They were friends who I'd hung out with in groups. I never dated these men, nor did I express any interest in them. In fact, they felt more like brothers than anything else.

So I reconnect with the first guy during baseball season, and he invites me and the husband to see a Red Sox game. He brings along an old friend too, as his wife is traveling with the kids. It's a great game and we catch up on college years. He recalls a lot about old times, things I don't even remember. He stares at me a lot and gives me a huge long hug upon departing. As my husband and I drive home, he says, "You know, he wishes he'd slept with you." I'm shocked and totally thrown by this statement because this dude never expressed interest in college, but my husband says he sees me as "the one that got away."

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. Facebook (a both blissful and hellish application) leads another old guy friend from college to my Inbox. He informs me that he lives in the town next door and had a baby girl whom he gave my name. He explained that I was the only girl he knew of this name and he always loved the name, and frankly only had good memories of me. He's a sweet guy so we exchange a few more emails. This past weekend he promptly informs me that 1) his wife and kid are away for the weekend, 2) he'll be home alone and 3) he'd love to get coffee. My husband says, "Yep, another guy who sees you as the one who got away." He also explains that in his experience, guys name their baby girls with names of women whom they really admired/often truly liked or loved.

So my questions are:

1) Why the hell didn't these guys speak up in college? We were in college activities together, and they certainly had perfect opportunities to ask me out, date, etc.

2) Is it true that guys name their baby girls after the "girl who got away"? Because my husband wants to name a girl "Zoey" and I have no idea who the hell she is? Do I need to stress about this?

Overwhelmed by past non-loves & perhaps the one who got away,

Anonymous, in Boston


Dear A.I.B.,

Before Facebook, MySpace, Google, et al, the "one who got away" (OWGA) was rarely more than a passing daydream (or a handy bit of masturbation material). Sure, you might have eagerly looked forward to your ten-year high school reunion and you might have spent a little longer picking out an outfit before hitting the mall over the holidays while visiting your parents--but the idea of actually pursuing an OWGA did not exist. And then we all got connected and starting emailing our OWGAs, flirting over IM, suggesting coffee...

The OWGA, in essence, represents regret. Actually, perhaps that's a little harsh. More like, the OWGA is the embodiment of "What if?" Dreaming of OWGAs is what happens when you find yourself either single or unhappy (or just a little bored) and you start to rifle through your mental Rolodex. You wonder how your life would have been different if you'd asked out X instead of Y. You wonder, "Maybe I already met my OWGA and was just too stupid to realize it at the time." You think, "I should have just slept with my OWGA back then and then I'd know what I was or wasn't missing." And now, you think, "I wonder if they're still on the market?"

So to answer your questions:

1) You weren't an OWGA back then, that's why. Actually, they're guy friends, so we're pretty sure they at least considered sleeping with you back then. But the urge to merge only really hit them when you transformed, over the years, into a first-class OWGA. Take it as a compliment: we like to think that the truly solid citizens among us all become OWGAs eventually, while the superficial bitchy Heathers of the world fade into obscurity.

2) We have no idea. Anyone? We always assumed that ex's names were off-limits, but are there any secret OWGA-namers out there? Is it possible that it could happen subconsciously? Either way, isn't it kind of gross to name your daughter after someone you regret not sleeping with? Em's grandmother has always gone by her middle name because right after she was christened, her mother became convinced that the first name her father had chosen for their daughter, Olive, was the name of a woman she imagined he'd had an affair with while stationed in Greece. Of course, her logic was a little faulty given that olive, the fruit and not the name, is what Greece is known for. But hey, maybe she was onto something. And maybe they did it under an olive tree.

Owga here,

Em & Lo