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Maybe it's because we've always taken our meds on schedule, but we've never had any patience for guys who consistently fall for crazy ladies. You know, the ones who drink too much, slash your tires, whack you over the head with their pocketbook, throw your clothes out the window, get you fired, then call the next day wanting to get back together with crazy hot makeup sex. But if you had to do a crazy lady, which one would it be...?

Britney Spears. Pros: That sex room. Cons: If only she'd looked as hot as Natalie Portman did with a shaved head. And you know she'd totally pass out and puke or pee in your bed. Plus you never know when the authorities might show up. (Only a "pro" if you're Boy George.)

Kamari Fulbright, Arizona Beauty Queen. Pros: You like kink? You like roleplaying? You like pain with your pleasure? Step right up. Cons: That whole kidnapping and torture thing.

Mariah Carey. Pros: Hers is a sweet, naive brand of crazy. Also, we love that she shows off her bod no matter where she's tipping the scales. Cons: We think we'd rather just give her a comforting bear hug. She once spent $9,500 on a life-sized cake made in her image. Glitter.

Paris Hilton. Pros: You can preview her work on any number of sex tapes. Cons: Check the room for a hidden camera. Also, narcissistic personality disorder = seriously unrewarding in bed.

Lindsay Lohan. Pros: We bet you could raid her wardrobe. Cons: Total home-wrecker (hello, dude from rehab) and total cliché. And how many drugs would you have to do to find her remotely interesting?

Courtney Love. Pros: She's kind of a classic, like the Model T of crazy ladies. Cons: Her plastic surgery is heading into Michael Jackson territory.

Amy Winehouse. Pros: She's actually talented. She probably has midnight snacks like ice pops hidden in that beehive. Cons: Those dirty feet. She might break. And she probably has cockroaches nesting in that beehive.

Whitney Houston. Pros: She once told Diane Sawyer, in all seriousness, "crack is whack." Cons:  She's perfected the crack whore look.