Last week we waxed poetic about the sweet, kind, unicorn-filled world of Dr. Ruth, but it turns out that she's not the only sexpert who lives in a place of her own creation. Alexyss K. Tylor lives in her own motherfucking universe. She co-hosts a show called "Vagina Power" with her mom on Atlanta public access TV--but mostly what she likes to talk about is penis power. (Or "peen-urse power," as she puts it.)

Her qualifications? "I have a masters degree in being played by men." She's one part the female version of Tom Cruise's character on Magnolia and five parts toad-licking crazy, but actually, if you can get past the crazy, she's learned a thing or two along the way.

On the "Dick Will Make You Slap Somebody" episode, she explains how the awesome power of the penis (a.k.a. the "deep, spiritual, heat-seeking missile") can make a woman feel like "she's in church jumping and shouting." And then in the midst of her penis-inspired euphoria, "she's riding him and her hips are moving and she's got her groove on...and the thought crosses her mind that he might let someone else have a sample of that...and she slaps him upside the head. Dick will make you slap somebody. Dick will make you pull a gun and shoot somebody in the damn face." After the jump, some other things we learned from Alexyss K. Tylor today:

• "Just because he's in love with your vagina, does not mean he's in love with you."

• "All penises are not created equal and they don't hold the same level of intensity."

• "If he knows how to twist her like a pretzel she's going to be hooked and think that's love."

• "While he's thrusting his penis in and out, whose vagina is it, who does it belong to? I say, who, WHO? And then she starts calling out his name, she let him know she coming, and when she coming, she calling for him. Man, this stuff is programmed all up in the woman's vagina, rectum, uterus, and all up in this mind right here."

• "If she's wide open, with a penis all up in your vagina, man, you don't have no defenses."

• "If we're hooked on the penis power and this man won't even buy you some shrimp from Long John Silver's, and that plate, that's, what, $2.99? But he can get you a mouthful of sperm and a rectum full of sperm. He is screwing her into submission, he is screwing her into slavery, he is breaking her ass DOWN."