When I was fourteen, I was obsessed with green M&Ms, under the impression that the green ones? They made you horny. I wasn't really certain what the whole "horny" thing was, if I was or was not horny at any one time. I had a boyfriend. He had shown me his penis, alert and spry in his brand new thatch of blond pubic hair. I wasn't really sure what happened during our major makeout sessions, when I got all twisty and twirly feeling in my pants and apparently was sweating a LOT because my underwear were always soaked. (Moms and aunties, you might do well to get your girls a subscription to Playgirl so things like this aren't quite so surprising, ok?) So yeah, the horny thing. I was down with that.

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