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People fell on all parts of the spectrum when we asked about text and email break-ups. On the one hand, you have people like Colin:
I had a looooong conversation with a good friend about break ups last night and it may have changed my mind. We came to the conclusion that being sat down and talked to really makes one person feel very small. This is the only way both of us have ever known to break up and it's very uncomfortable for everyone involved.And then you've got Jennifer, who would actually appreciate a straight-forward text: In the age of silent dumps, hell, I'd even take a text message dump (and have taken email dumps, one being from my fiancé of 2 years) just so I fucking KNOW they dumped me instead of having to figure it out for myself.And then there's Arkadiy, who thinks people should just get some fucking manners: That's terrible. People should buy your book. I can't believe people polled are so comfortable with their excuses for their behaviour. 1 CommentsLeave a comment |
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After a break-up, do everything you can to avoid rose-colored hindsight. This may include playing that montage of fond memories over and over in the theater of your mind with the Dolby surround-sound system playing Muse or Maroon 5 on repeat. No good can come of this; you'll simply end up feeling more inadequate, lonely, and depressed. Instead, focus on your ex's faults. There must be at least one (besides their ability to live without you), even if it's just a malformed pinkie toe or a tendency to douse every meal in ketchup.
--From Buh Bye: The Ultimate Guide to Dumping and Getting Dumped 
 
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I think an email or letter is probably the best. Getting sat down and 'the talk' is actually pretty horrible. If you're the dumpee, you want to ask why, and all the questions for which there is no answer to make you feel better. You are being dumped because he (or she) doesn't feel the same way you do anymore. That's a hard thing to swallow - whehter it's something you did, some way you are, or just because they met someone they are more into, nothing eases the pain of no longer doing it for your former lover. If you're the dumper, you are excruciatingly aware that there is nothing you can say to make them feel better, that in fact anything you choose to say will only make them feel sadder, madder, more incredulous, more humiliated.
So I think the best thing is to send a letter. The dumper can take the time and space to be kind without worrying about backing down from the actual dump, as a guilt-ridden in-person dump full of tears and 'but whys' might do. The dumper is spared being humiliated in a face-to-face setting. I think if the dumpee calls the dumper, the dumper should take the call - only one - and listen to whatever they want to say..but don't answer any questions, simply reiterate "I cared a lot for you, I'm glad we had the time togehter that we had, but I'm certain that I need to move on."