Photo via Splash

We admit it: when we first saw those tabloid photos of Britney Spears in a micro-mini skirt and period-stained undies (sorry, no link, we refuse to stoop that low), our immediate reaction was "Ew." We simultaneously lost our appetite and felt a Judy Blume-esque mortification on her behalf. Also, who the hell wears a micro-mini skirt when she's got her period?!

Sure, Lo once dressed up as a bloody tampon for Halloween (white pants, white shirt, red tie, in case you want to try it)--which is probably some sort of rite of passage for women's studies majors--and we've written articles praising menstrual cups and chastising dudes who are grossed out by period sex. But still, when period undies are front-page news, we just want to look away. We think that even David freakin' Cronenberg would want to look away.

And then we read Margaret Cho's "Let She Who Is Without Period Stains Throw The First Tampon" and we realized that a) she's a better person than we are, b) we heart Margaret Cho, and c) maybe Margaret Cho should adopt Britney. Or, if it's too late for her, at least she could pull a Juno and adopt Jamie Lynn's kid.

Writes Cho: "I am the worst when it comes to period stains. That is why I never move because my mattress is so so so so stained that whenever I change the sheets it just looks like a murder scene. I'm serious. Somebody should put crime scene 'do not cross' tape up. It's awful! I can't understand any woman who hasn't had some kind of hot menses mess. Those women are weird and probably perfect, and always get a pap smear every six months, and have never had a weight problem or worried about sitting on a white couch--and they are no friends of mine! When my Aunt Flow comes to visit--the bitch brings presents. All the feminine products I use have 'overnight' on the box. The point here is let she who is without menstrual stains throw the first tampon. Britney is not Carrie and Chris Crocker was right--leave her alone!" Er, yeah, what she said.