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If you thought that Divorce Day was depressing, wait 'til you hear what else the headlines are dishing up this week...the world of sex is making the economy (not to mention Clinton's presidential prospects) look positively rosy in comparison.

• Britney gets Stockholm Syndrome, claims that her pap loverboy and his fellow photographers are the only people she can now trust.

• Now even deaf people have to listen to porno dialogue.

• People are still taping themselves watching the 2 girls, 1 cup video. (You know what's even more depressing? Em actually watched that crap--literally--just to see what all the fuss was about.)

• Amy Fisher decides to stop fighting her sex tape and start promoting it instead. She even DJ-ed at the freakin' video release party. How's the view from the moral high ground, Amy?

• There's a new sub-genre in the anti-choice movement: "post-abortive men" who imagine names, chubby cheeks, and personalities for their ex-girlfriends' abortions.

• The world's most exclusive bed is designed for everything but sex.

• American Apparel will make you look like a fat hooker.

• HPV vaccine ranked as one of the most painful childhood shots. (We don't fucking care, get vaccinated!)

• Study finds that when women wear slutty outfits to themed costume parties, they tend to out-drink men. And we just thought all those frat boys liked costume parties for the good clean fun of it.