Dear Em & Lo,

I'm sick of making new year's resolutions that involve giving up shit I enjoy. Can you suggest some booty-related resolutions?

Rehab is for Quitters

Dear RifQ,

We're not sure if you're single or loved-up, so here are our top ten suggested resolutions for each scenario. Learn them, live them, love them.

If you're in a LTR (or monogamish)...

1. No more faking in bed. And we don't just mean orgasms--no more pretending that you like something you don't, either ("Oooh yeah baby that feels so good when you yank on my pubes").

2. Vow to never ask yourself, "Is this normal?" in bed.

3. Phone sex--just do it. (You can baby-step your way there via dirty talk and text-sex.)

4. Share a new fantasy out loud with your partner.

5. Lube, it does a body good.

6. Don't always wait to get into bed together to have sex--nookie before a dinner date is vastly underrated.

7. Compliment his penis on a regular basis.

8. Make a little more noise during sex to show your appreciation.

9. Do you crave sleep more than sex? Then institute an afternoon nap to save your sex life.

10. Spend at least one evening a week without your partner. (Appointment TV doesn't count.)

If you're single (or singlish)...

1. Santa was a prude? So treat yourself to a new vibrator. May we suggest the Form 6 by JimmyJane?

2. Find a new fantasy to masturbate to. Don't share it with anyone.

3. If you always use a toy, try rubbing one out with your hand instead (may we suggest lube?). Because you never know when you might get horny during a power cut.

4. Speaking of: masturbate at least once a week, no matter what kind of partner activity you've got going on.

5. Do whatever it takes to make yourself feel good naked (a gym membership, better lighting in your bedroom, new matching bra and undies set).

6. A daily dose of fiber will keep things tidy, ensuring that you feel more comfortable having all your orifices explored.

7. Go on at least one blind date a month (Match.com, friend set-up, mom set-up, CrazyBlindDate.com, etc.).

8. Vow to discuss sexual history and protection with a potential partner before bumping uglies (yep, before even dry-humping).

9. Don't lie to get anyone into bed (unless it's in response to the questions, "Is this the smallest penis you've ever seen?" Or "Do you wish I had Jessica Alba's butt?").

10. Four words: disposable vibrating cock ring. They only last for twenty minutes, but then again, so do some of your flings.


Em & Lo

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Em & Lo, more formally known as Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey, are the self-proclaimed Emily Posts of the modern bedroom.

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