01.24.2008  BY EM & LO
We've been known in the past to accost complete strangers on the street and thrust a silicone object in their face while asking, "Sex toy or dog toy?" (Trust us, it's harder than it sounds to tell the difference.) But it looks like we're going to have to add a third category to the quiz next time we play this game: dog sex toy.

Now that we think about it--and now that we think about how many times our legs have been humped by drooling canines--it makes complete sense that someone would have designed a Real Doll for the horndog in your life. So, who's going to invent some doggie porn to go with this toy?

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After a break-up, do everything you can to avoid rose-colored hindsight. This may include playing that montage of fond memories over and over in the theater of your mind with the Dolby surround-sound system playing Muse or Maroon 5 on repeat. No good can come of this; you'll simply end up feeling more inadequate, lonely, and depressed. Instead, focus on your ex's faults. There must be at least one (besides their ability to live without you), even if it's just a malformed pinkie toe or a tendency to douse every meal in ketchup.
--From Buh Bye: The Ultimate Guide to Dumping and Getting Dumped

Em & Lo, more formally known as Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey, are the self-proclaimed Emily Posts of the modern bedroom.

Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City.

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