|
||||||
   
|
|
 Photo via Splash Dear Em & Lo, After 3 1/2 years in a relationship with Fuckface, he traded me in for someone who wasn't that interested in him (GOOD). I had a suspicion something was going on by the way he posed his breakup speech. So I snooped, and five hours after the breakup, I found, then I called her. Luckily by the time I got a hold of her she was drunk in a bar with her friends, and she sang. The next day when Fuckface called he denied the whole affair. Apparently, in his world if it's not physical its not cheating. We both changed our phone numbers and never spoke again after that conversation. He dropped my stuff off 5 days later when I was not home (wimp). In my distraught state my BFF immediately bought me your new book Buh Bye. I keep it under my pillow and in my bag during the day it helps me keep things in prospective while pushing through. [Ed: We swear we didn't insert that bit in ourselves!] It's been 6 weeks now and I'm feeling better, and my personal ad looks great. And then Fuckface emails me an apology note, explaining that he realizes he made a lot of mistakes and that he still has a lot to learn. After throwing in his nieces and nephews who missed me over the holidays and updating me on his family (like I care), he wished me the the best in life and love. The closing line: You will always have a special place in my heart. No signature. My question: Do men have a F***ing Happy Radar programed in their little brains that goes off as soon as the Dumpee is happy. Beep Beep Beep she's happy let me through to put an axe in it!!! My second question: What do I do with this email? I want to talk to him, I miss him, but deep down I want to scream at him and make up. The reality is, this email he sent just confused me. Is it an "I want you back" letter or a closure letter, and whose closure? Sincerely, Debbie Dumpee Dear D.D. First of all, come here and let us give you a big bear hug. Breakups suck big time, and they suck especially when someone is being such a Fuckface about the process. (And thank you, by the way, for adopting the officially sanctioned Em & Lo term for an asshole ex!) Now, to answer your first question: Not all guys have this Fucking Happy Radar, but--sad to say--a buttload of them do. (And just ask any heartbroken guy: Many women have it, too.) Half the time Fuckface doesn't realize that he or she is doing it, there's just this unconscious urge to confirm that the person you obliterated is still unable to live without you. Everyone wants to be wanted, even by people they no longer want. It's good for the ego. Also, there's something inherently attractive about an ex who no longer wants you. (If you didn't know this already, you would have learned it on Gossip Girl this season.) A mysterious aura surrounds the dumpee-in-recovery and it's tempting to want to burst right through it. You do it just to remind yourself that you were right to dump them and they're not, actually, all that. Hey, it's a cruel, cruel world, but we didn't make it that way. We're just here to pick up the pieces. All of which, we hope, answers your second question: Do not answer this email. He is looking for closure, yes--for his own sorry ass. He just wants to make double-sure that he made the right decision in dumping you. Though he'd never admit it, he probably wants a round two of ex sex, a few teary, heartfelt conversations, a little casual intimacy...and then he'll dump your ass all over again. Unless you like the idea of a groundhog dump, we'd file his message as junk mail and take advantage of your fancy new personal ad. On your side, Em & Lo 7 CommentsLeave a comment |
|
![[Body By Glamour ad]](http://dailybedpost.com/ads/bbg-fall-275x225.gif)
 
Em & Lo, more formally known as Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey, are
the self-proclaimed Emily Posts of the modern bedroom.
Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New
York City.
Check out Daily Bedpost on MySpace.com.
|
||
FEED ME
Dear EmnLo, you are so right on about this. Soldier through the suck-ass feelings however you need to. My favorite were Fiona Apple at high volume, judicious use of Tylenol PM to prevent life-draining insomnia and leaning heavily on my girlfriends. Exes have an uncanny radar for knowing when you're getting over them; mine texts me. IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE. It may feel like your skin is being flayed off at first, but soon enough you will smile at his attempts like the compassionate, strong person you are.
"Do men have a F***ing Happy Radar programed in their little brains..."
Why do you even answer this fuckin' sexist of a woman?
Oh, cut the poor woman some slack, she's heartbroken! Everyone generalizes a little when they've had their heart put through the blender, no? A little "men suck" (or "women suck") is sometimes what it takes to get you through the night.
It's a dangerous mindset. I mean, it's clearly how she sees men. It's my comment, above. I was so outraged, I just fired it off, without a signature.
Love the new book, by the way! Keep up the good work!
As someone who was recently dumped I would like to assure you that when I say "Men Suck!" I don't mean that as a condemnation of all men, what I mean is:
"I can't believe that the person I gave my heart and various other intimate body parts to is treating me this way. I'm confused and hurt and I feel foolish for trusting this person. Please, god, I never want to go through this emotional pain again."
But sometimes I don't have the energy to say all of that so I fall back on "Men suck".
Thank you, BH, for putting it much more eloquently than we were able to... that's exactly what we meant!
When I had my heart torn out and stomped by a mean long-term GF, I went through a "women suck" period. Know what finally fixed my worldview? My next awesome girlfriend.
Maybe this is just a dude's opinion, but nothing cures heartache like new partners. New flirts, new make-outs, new dating, new sex... before you know it you'll think of Fuckface and go, "oh yeah... him... wonder what he's up to... actually, who fucking cares."