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 First, let's make one thing clear: we love men. Wait, scratch that: we hate it when men say "I love women" (so smarmy), so let's just say we're big fans of the male of the species. For crushes and reproduction, there's no one better! That said, it seems like there's a bit of a pity party being thrown for the fellas lately. Of course it is truly terrible news that oral cancer caused by HPV is on the rise in men and that heavy cell phone use is now linked to poor sperm quality--that's pity-worthy. But longing for the 1950s because the poor guys are struggling with their identities in a "post-feminist" world seems a bit much. Last week, Rosie Boycott penned an article in the Daily Mail with the heading, "Feminism has turned men into second-class citizens, but have women's victories come at a price?"--yet another recent article to poo-poo feminism, at least on its surface (where it really counts). There's a lot of talk of men feeling undervalued because women are now competing for jobs once reserved for men alone, of men not having wives to take care of them and their children, of men having to deal with some women making more money than them. Cry us a river. It's not until waaaaaay down in the piece that the real, and more pertinent, issue comes to light: our culture fails to honor child-rearing, whether undertaken by a woman or a man. Amen, sister. But she doesn't make clear why this is solely feminism's problem. The movement is just a baby when you consider the centuries of sexism and female oppression. That it's gotten women so far so fast is nothing short of a sociological miracle. But it's no wonder that equality would take some getting used or that there would be an adjustment period that might take a while. Clearly we as a society aren't there yet. As Matthew Dowd said on Real Time with Bill Maher this past Friday (minute 2:50 on the video), sexism is a bigger problem in America than racism. Exhibit A: the media's treatment of Hillary. Indeed, it's the one last prejudice that's culturally sanctioned and accepted... Rather than calling feminism a failure, which only fuels the feminazis, let's focus on how to make things better, how to reward child-rearing, and how to honor guys who share the housework and take care of the kids. Indeed, how to make men getting in touch with their feminine sides not so taboo or worthy of scorn. (Sunday's Times Magazine article "Girls Will Be Girls" addressed the same topic, but specifically with kids: "In another study of younger children, Cherney and London found that if ushered alone into a room and told they could play with anything, nearly half the boys chose "feminine" toys as often as "masculine" ones, provided they believed nobody, especially their fathers, would find out. That made me question whether any more expansive vision of girlhood can survive without a similar overhaul of boyhood, which, apparently, is not in the offing.") The poo-pooers like to lament the fact that both sexes are now sharing more of the worst aspects of their genders rather than more of the best, that men are now suffering from problems once only associated with women, like, say, anorexia in modeling or taking an hour to get ready. And without strict codes of conduct for each sex, they argue, it's total pandamonium: oh my god, who should pay on the first date?! As if this is going to be the downfall of society: awkwardness over the bill...the horror, the horror! (By the way, whoever did the asking should pay, though it's always cool to insist on splitting). But what's so bad about there being some grey areas between men and women? Sharing problems may help us resolve them quicker. Equal opportunity objectification might result in kinder, gentler porn. And blurring the lines of gender roles will hopefully allow individuals to create their own customized relationships that fit their individual needs and expectations, rather than relying on a one-size-fits-all model of love and sex. It may take more open communication to avoid disappointment, but how could increased communication, and thus understanding, be bad when it comes to love and sex? There will always be general differences between the sexes. As much as we hate the idea of Men Are from Mars, Women Are From Venus, it apparently saved the relationship of a couple-friend of ours: she insisted he read it and subsequently understood that a kind, empathetic word following a bad day would mean the world to her. (Though for understanding gender differences we'd recommend Deborah Tannen's You Just Don't Understand; Women and Men in Conversation over the Mars/Venus pop psych any day.) However, there's nothing wrong in celebrating the common ground we all have, and trying to increase its acreage for the sake of equality, sexual or otherwise.
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I don't much see the corrulation between child-rearing and housework, with femininity. Although we shouldn't compare ourselves to other species, female monkeys if raised away from their mothers don't know how to child-rear. Child-rearing is a learned trait as far as they are concerned, therefor males are just as likely to learn it. If a man is raised socially to learn to child-rear, there is no reason for him to feel he is doing 'women's work.' Housework just needs to get done, doing it is not a gender specific rule.
I will never understand the idea that a woman's place was in the kitchen, when men dominate the Chef profression. Sure the men are doing it as 'work,' but they are still just cooking for people. I don't understand why women can't wear underwear in public when they can wear swimsuits, either, especially with the multitude of undergarments available. But that's off topic.
Something that brightens my day is seeing a dad pushing the stroller--sometimes with his partner nowhere in sight! Imagine that! Also, there are more men entering into professions once considered "women's" jobs: librarians, massage therapists... (I don't know about the realm of nursing, myself.) How long have men been schoolteachers? But the point is these men are finding these professions fulfilling. We live in exciting times, and those who poo-poo feminism are missing out. To those who poo-poo, I say "boo-hoo." (Uh, sorry for that one!)