Because I hated my body so much, I did not get naked in front of another human being until I was 18 years old. It is amazing, the power that shame can have over you. It is amazing, how much I hated being fat, how ugly I felt. How convinced I was that anyone who was interested in me, and in seeing me naked, was being completely fooled by--something, I don't know what. Sunspots. The moment they put their hands on my body (not even seeing me naked, just feeling me), though, they'd be breaking through their wild delusion; they'd suddenly realize that I was fat, and their attraction would turn to disgust.