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 We were prepared to get all defensive and offended when we read this Guardian UK article on maverick sex-advice givers called "The Joy of Sexperts" by Alice Wignall yesterday, but we ended up agreeing with it: yes, there's a hell of a lot of bad sex advice out there. When we started doling out sex and relationship advice on Nerve.com nine years ago, we referred to ourselves as "near-experts," avoiding any questions that required technical or scientific know-how and instead focusing on the common-sense, common-courteousness approach we thought people should take with each other when naked--and using more realistic suggestions and down-to-earth language (read: swear words) than we could find elsewhere, especially in women's magazines. It's true, we'd had sex before and thought that was a good start, but more importantly we had strong opinions about how people should treat each other and a decent moral center (if we do say so ourselves). And from the start, we've always been explicit about the fact that we're not doctors, encouraging people to seek out professional and/or medical help with serious problems. That 90-degree curve to your penis? Dude, we can't help you with that one... But somewhere along the way, by talking to countless doctors, reading the latest studies, making guinea pigs of our boyfriends, and asking the nosiest questions of our friends and readers for close to a decade, we felt comfortable with people dropping the "near" ("sexpert" is still a little hard to swallow). Though we didn't get degrees in sexology (Em majored in German; Lo was an English major), we can pass the sample sexologist tests you can find online with flying colors. If that doesn't give you a vote of confidence, rest assured we've been sticklers about not talking out our butts about things we don't know just to get our names in a paper, as Wignall accuses so many "sexperts" of doing. (Though we will be happy to tell you what is safe for you to stick into your butt.) And having the ability to claim medical expertise doesn't necessarily guarantee you decent sex advice: we caught an episode of Sex Talk with Sue Johanson several years ago and, as much as we love the idea of her, we were appalled with some of the advice she gave out. (Unfortunately, we can't remember exactly what it was, we just remember it didn't pass our own safety standards.) We agree with Wignall that a lot of the problem is editors trying to sell magazines. We've always tried to use precise, all-inclusive language that doesn't make too many assumptions. For instance, we hate using the word "sex" to mean "intercourse"--sex can be everything from oral sex to handjobs to mutual masturbation sessions, and penis-vagina penetration is not the end-all-be-all of sex acts. But there have been times when our words have been edited (for space and/or catchiness!!!) in unfortunate ways that changes their meaning, and ultimately does a disservice to the reader. We wish "The Joy of Sexperts" article had named names, and given some specific examples of hacks and bad advice. Not only to satisfy our catty competitive sides, but also to make sure we weren't included in her list. Though we must admit, Lo has resorted to wearing the "sexy professor glasses" in one of our publicity photos (Exhibit A: the upper-right hand image on this site's homepage; NOT the image at the top of this post), which is part of Step #10 of being a sex writer hack, according to Wignall. But we've never made anything up, we promise you that.
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Em & Lo, more formally known as Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey, are
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As someone who managed an adult toy store for several years, gave safer sex presentations at schools and on college campuses among other places, I have to agree with you on Sue Johanson. That was my first thought when I read the first paragraph of this article.
I am all for the concept of her show, and I think it is fabulous that she is opening up the public's eyes to being open and educated about sex. However, her advice repeatedly leaves me yelling at my TV screen.
Two examples I can think of off the top of my head:
1) A girl called in saying that her boyfriend didn't want to use condoms because they always break. My first thought? Lube! The number one reason condoms break is lack of lubrication. Sue didn't even mention that, but told her that she needed to break up with her boyfriend because he was probably trying to give her a disease.
2) A woman called in to say that when her and her husband had sex with a condom, it hurt, but without one it didn't. While Sue did recommend using extra lube, she failed to mention that the condoms could be spermicidally lubricated, and more than 50% of women are allergic to spermicide. She also failed to mention a latex allergy and possibly trying non-latex condoms if necessary.
I apologize for this long and rambling comment (I totally just typed "condom" instead of "comment"). All this to say, I totally feel ya.
And oh yeah... SueJo also recommends spermicide. That one hurt my poor little heart.