In early February of Lo's senior year of high school, she journeyed from suburban N.J. into Greenwich Village for a secret trip to the Pink Pussycat Boutique to buy her boyfriend some scandalous Valentine's Day gifts (a few towns over, Em was quietly eating her lunch in the girl's bathroom of her high school). Lo got edible underwear (which turned out to nothing more than a yeast-infection-inducing fruit roll-up), strawberry-flavored Emotion Lotion (sticky cough syrup that gets lukewarm when you blow on it), and police-issue handcuffs (can you say nerve damage?). But it was the thought that counted. 

We've always argued that even if you think Valentine's Day is just a fake commercial holiday dreamt up by the powers that be at Hallmark, you still need to acknowledge any romantic/sexual relationship you're in in some way, whether through hand-picked flowers, a handwritten love note, or a nice vibrator. (And then we've gone on to forget the day entirely with our own fellas. Sorry dudes.) Below are some gift ideas that might release your inner Cupid, if they don't make you want to shoot yourself in the head with an arrow first.