LO: Wanna see the new indie movie Teeth?
EM: No way! Do you??
LO: Hell no!
EM: Why don't YOU want to see it?
LO: I feel like I should WANT to see it, like I SHOULD see it for occupational reasons, but I hate to say the idea of it just grosses me out and makes me feel icky, like nails on a chalkboard or paper towels squeaking on glass.
EM: Paper towels squeak on glass?! It seems to me like it'd be the worst of Juno (overly cutesy, impressed-with-itself indie) meets the worst of Tarantino (shock & gore). There are multiple decapitated penises featured...and they show them! (Is decapitated the right word for that??) In one scene, apparently, the dog grabs the severed penis. DUDE.
LO: Shut. Up. Actually, that's kind of funny. Intellectually I LOVE the idea. When I found out from a few online reviews on Rotten Tomatoes that it's a rape-revenge story, I thought, "Now that's something I can get into!" (being a huge Farrah Faucet Extremities/Burning Bed fan), and so I thought, knowing that, I could stomach the long trailer. Wrong! I squirmed and crossed my legs through the whole thing and had to walk away from the computer and read the funny pages.
EM: Hilarious misspelling of Fawcett's name, by the way. I guess that's another good reason not to see the movie: It's much better in theory than in practice. Here's why I love it in theory: The reason that Dawn doesn't initially realize that there's something wrong with her vajayjay is that the diagram of female genitalia in her health text book is obscured by a big gold sticker to "preserve a girl's natural modesty," put there by the state school board. Genius. But I still don't want to see the movie! I just don't want to see a dog put a penis in his mouth.
LO: l know! I'm all about vagina power, and about decent sex education, and about sexual predators (not to mention sleazy male gynocologists) getting what's coming to them. But rather than relating to the main character in a you-go-girl-with-your-bad-ass-vagina way, I just think Gross with a capital G. Maybe that's just a reflection of my own insecurities about the mysteries of my body and how they can disappoint, and yes, gross me out. (Man, that's pretty Freudian for me.)
EM: I'm with you on the pervy gyno thing. But clearly the filmmakers experienced a similar gross-out fear, given that they decided not to show the teethy vagina in question...only its victims.
LO: Thank goodness! By the way, I can't believe the image you chose for this chat. That's like my worst nightmare--exactly why I don't want to see the movie, for fear an image like that will be burned into my brain forever!!!
EM: Sorry. Speaking of, I don't think I WANT to see a pervy gyno on screen...it's hard enough as it is to block those sort of thoughts when you're up in stirrups.
LO: Exactly! It's hard enough to relax your knees without the thought of either a doctor getting all condescending and smarmy on you in that position, or worse, the doc finding something freakishly wrong with your most vulnerable parts.
EM: So here's the only reason that I DO want to see the film a little bit...a blogger who writes: "Anyone who finds this film amusing (especially women) are doing Satan's work. He's the only one who could rejoice at sexual mutilation."
LO: Ha!
EM: It's a "men's rights" website with the banner "No Feminazis"
LO: Charming.
EM: He nominates the director of the movie for an "Ass Kissing" award for pandering to women.
LO: Yes, that strengthens my weak resolve to see it a bit. I wish I could see it without having to sit through it, just to have the memory of it with some distance from it, because I think it really is a clever and politically charged idea that would be great to talk about. Though I guess we're talking about it without having seen it, anyway.
EM: It's kind of like Tolstoy: It's just good to have under your belt.
LO: Well, I think I'll just have to settle for the Cliffs Notes, like I did with Tolstoy. So, shall we end it there?
EM: Totally. Chop it off!


Sophie said:

The reason I don't want to see it (beside the fact that I never ever ever watch horror movies) is that to me, the whole vagina dentata ting is kind of a fear of the female sexuality, isn't it? Of the female hunger for sex, which should be suppressed for fear of it taking over control and castrating men. So I was surprised to read that the movie is supposed to be a sort of female empowering flick, with a rape vengeance. That sounds like bullshit designed to hide the real deal behind it.

Anna said:

::Disclaimer:: I haven't seen it either. But I'm sort of feeling its female empowerment theme. Maybe the folklore of the vagina dentata rested in a fear of the female sexuality, but I think (or at least I hope) that Teeth sort of flips the legend around, showing the girl who has been taught only to fear and abstain from sex just how much control she has over her own body. Also...I DID see the opening 5 minutes (clip is circulating around somewhere), and saw a nasty little boy try to cop a feel from the young Dawn. So yeah, I think the rape vengeance thing will be a theme throughout the flick, not just an directorial after-thought or something critics are playing up.

Colin said:

I'm dying to see this movie. I'll probably have my legs squeezed together in empathetic horror for more than half of the film, but the message sounds fantastic, I drool for impressed with itself indie anything, and as a guy on a college campus I'm positive I've seen worse...

Ariel said:

I actually want to see it because I want to know what they do with it - whether it really is empowering for females or just a ridiculous excuse to show lopped off penises.
The reason I still haven't seen it is because scary (not just horror) movies of any kind are incredibly hard for me to watch. I know this is also supposed to be a dark comedy, but it no doubt has scary elements in it. I'm 21 and I saw Pan's Labyrinth a few months ago and couldn't sleep for like a week. And that's not even supposed to be a scary movie!

Dausa said:

Well, I suppose I'm unusual in that I have seen it (opening weekend, horror-slut that I am). It was quite a fun little movie, and it very much built on the metaphor of the VD concept springing from men's fear/distrust of female sexuality. It's not a great film by any stretch, and the only recognizable face I saw in the cast was John Hensley (of "Nip/Tuck" fame). But the main character is sincere; she's a well-known proponent and speaker for the teen abstinence movement who faces confusion and trepidation as her own sexuality begins to blossom. It's just that, unfortunately for her, when she starts to blossom she's more Venus Flytrap than orchid. It makes some very good points about the way teen sexuality is treated in society, how girls are treated, etc. It also made me cross my legs more than a few times...

erin said:

i saw it this week and laughed my ass off.
yes men cross your legs, women just laugh and remember that bad date that wouldn't take no for an answer and that creepy gyno dr.. well they get theirs.

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In one sense, revenge sex—when you sleep with your ex's nemesis, roommate, sibling, parent, or pet in order to pay them back for dumping you--totally works: how could your ex not be grossed out / horrified / disillusioned / damaged for life? But unless your ex is a few peas short of a casserole, your cunning plan is sure to backfire, because they'll know exactly why you slept with their paste-eating dork of a sibling, and the most overwhelming emotion they will feel is deep, abiding pity for you.
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