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Dear My Boobs:
Do you remember when we were happy? I remember that. You were big, and round, and surprisingly perky for your size--you were a pain in the ass to strap in, when I exercised, but you looked so nice in low-cut shirts, because whoa, mountains and valleys and cleavage. You looked nice in tight shirts, too. You made me feel dressed up even when I dressed down, sexy even when I was feeling low, and my favorite part of getting naked with someone was when I'd pull off my shirt, and they'd unhook my bra, and that whoa moment, right before the manhandling--whoa, nice tits! You distracted from the rest of my imperfections, the parts of my body I disliked, was ashamed of, outright hated. Do you remember that one time, when I was on top, and he looked up and said "has anyone ever told you that you have magnificent breasts?" I laughed. And I felt incredibly sexy. I felt beautiful. It is sad to say that one's entire sexual attractiveness resides in exactly one place, but that's how it was. If you had asked me what I liked about myself, when I weighed more, I would have said my eyes, my hands, and definitely my boobs. Read more at ElasticWaist.com>> 2 CommentsLeave a comment |
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After a break-up, do everything you can to avoid rose-colored hindsight. This may include playing that montage of fond memories over and over in the theater of your mind with the Dolby surround-sound system playing Muse or Maroon 5 on repeat. No good can come of this; you'll simply end up feeling more inadequate, lonely, and depressed. Instead, focus on your ex's faults. There must be at least one (besides their ability to live without you), even if it's just a malformed pinkie toe or a tendency to douse every meal in ketchup.
--From Buh Bye: The Ultimate Guide to Dumping and Getting Dumped 
 
Em & Lo, more formally known as Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey, are
the self-proclaimed Emily Posts of the modern bedroom.
Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New
York City.
Send your queries to us at
emandlo@dailybedpost.com and drkate@dailybedpost.com. Want your sex dream analyzed by the Daily Bedpost dream expert? Email us at dreams@dailybedpost.com. Anonymity always honored! Check out Daily Bedpost on MySpace.com. |
FEED ME
Dear Sweetie,
I miss you too. We had such good times together. I never felt so attached to anyone.
I guess it's time for us both to move on. This will be easier for you than for me. You have other body parts. What about your mouth?I was never able to meet her, which was a bit of a disappointment, but I bet she's lovely.
I, on the other hand, only had you.
Sincerely wishing you the best,
Love,
Your Boobs
Dear My Boobs,
Why did you pick me? Why did you grow exactly on me and not on somebody else? Why did I have to endure all the comments from the boys in school, because you were twice the size of the boobs everybody else had? Why do I have to endure the comments from all the man on the street, even if I'm wearing a blouse twice my size?
Why can't I go outside the bedroom without a bra, because you just can't sustain your own weight and hang there like some shopping bags? Why can't I find a normal bra and why do I have to look after one at the huge-ugly-bras-for-grandma section?
Why can't I ever wear something without straps on my shoulders? Why can't I find a shirt in which you look - well, let's be modest, acceptable?
Why, on earth did you have to grow so huge?
Dear My Boobs, I've learned to accept you, but I never have learned to like you. I'm struggling with my reflection in the mirror every day. You're simply too big for me. Inside I'm a woman with nice small boobs.
Wishing you the best
Hedgehog