When we heard (via Fleshbot) about Dick Hats--edible chocolate caps for the penises in your life--we just weren't convinced it was a legitimate business. The websites seemed so bare-bones, the blog seemed so college-kid-in-his-dorm, even the awesome Head-On parody seemed like nothing more than a big joke. So we wrote in to dickhats.com last week asking them to give us some proof that this was indeed legit. Here's what we got back:

SUBJECT: Sounds like someone would like a f-r-e-e-b-i-e

Hello Em & Lo,

Gizmodo didn't need proof today...but that's okay, I get it, I would have done the same thing. LOL!

Tell you what, Send me your physical address and I will send you a couple samples on Monday next week. No charge. I look forward to see it on your blog about it. I appreciate the traffic, big time. Let me know what you think of the product.

D Sanchez

So we wrote back:

Yes, we'll admit it, we're shameless when it comes to procuring swag. Still, we really just want to be sure...and you've got to admit, your whole operation sounds a bit sketchy. Don't get us wrong, we want to be believers (because we think it could be a cute and funny gag, no pun intended), and while we're not fans of all your blog posts, you led us to "You Suck at Photoshop" which we'll be forever grateful for. And so we'll take a leap of faith and give you our mailing address. Please don't send us a box of dog poop. And if you could answer the following questions, we'd appreciate it.

All our very best,
Em & Lo

And so he did (our questions in bold):

Hey I get it, no problem and excellent point on all fronts. I assure you they are very real, I will send a set within the next few days...I'm still catching up from all the orders that Gizmodo prompted. Although Microsoft is recently giving me a hard time with the One-eyed Spartan.

Signing your email D. Sanchez? Come on, is that the name of a serious business man?
So are you saying that my name can't be David Sanchez? Which it's not, but I know what you were thinkin. LOL!

Who makes your product? Because we gotta say there's something slightly unappetizing about getting chocolates from a guy who posts pictures of doodie on his blog (i.e. "you can't polish a turd on myspace" post).
The doodie post may have been a little off kilter from the sales thing, but I have a somewhat sick sense of humor and I am king of my blog so I like messing around with it. There comes a sense of power being able to post what ever you want, any time, any where.

You make a few references to April 1st on your blog--are you trying to tell us something?
I chose April 1st because it was the next holiday after Valentine's Day that was related to having fun. That was before I knew about Steak and BJ Day! I know, I know there's St. Patrick's Day, but I couldn't think of anything creative for it.

While giving $2 out of every sale to a kid's charity is incredibly generous, A) isn't that an awfully large chunk of money out of sales for a new biz venture and B) isn't there something almost wrong about a blowjob-related product going to help a kid's charity?
Good point on the $2 per hat...yeah, it is a bit high, but you know what...it's charity and it's cheaper to promote with a good cause than just give away 100 hats (who's going to pay for shipping?). I admit that there is also a weird juxtaposition between the sex thing and helping kids, but as you may already know kids come from sex, so it made sense to me in a weird sort of way.

Plus I have a healthy child of my own and I can't imagine how difficult it is to have a child with life-threatening problems all their life. Disney World is a fun place, they deserve a little joy. Does it matter where the money comes from as long as it makes someone happy? In this case, it's a win-win for everyone involved...right?

And yeah, the You Suck At Photoshop stuff is hilarious. It sounds like David Cross or Dane Cook almost. Be on the look out for those hats--I can appreciate your due diligence.

D Sanchez

So now we're just waiting for samples--or something--to arrive in the mail. We'll let you know what happens, so stay tuned!


Fabien said:

So what is his name then?

scared willy said:

I don't get it. Do you really put this on your dick? I feel like you'd have to bite down on it to enjoy the chocolate. that almost sounds like some of the moves from that video blowjob girl. I love chocolate but I feel like she'd end up imitating the Owl from the old tootsie pop commercials!

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We hate to break it to you schmucks (and we mean schmuck in the most loving, Yiddish-for-penis way): Size matters. There, we said it. But in the immortal words of Einstein (and no doubt he was talking about skin flutes), it's all relative. What's a perfectly shaped cuke to one person is a disappointing pig-in-a-blanket to another and an overwhelming meat loaf to yet another.
From The Big Bang

Em & Lo, more formally known as Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey, are the self-proclaimed Emily Posts of the modern bedroom.
Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City.

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