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 Take our paying poll after the jump. On Friday, an MSNBC article suggested that in a "post-dating" world, it's complicated to figure out who pays for the date, thanks to traditional gender roles getting upset by pesky things like sexual equality. But come on, is it really that complicated? Whoever did the asking pays, at least at first; if you continue going out together then you either go halves-ies each time or take paying in turns, with the person who makes more money spending a little more moolah, proportional to their larger income. If the first date was a mutual decision, then both parties should pay. Whatever the case or whichever your sex, it's always nice to offer to pitch in, though it shouldn't be an empty offer--if it's accepted, you should fork up the cash with a smile. If it's refused, fine, so long as the refusal is not indicative of expected sexual favors or expected submission, either on one date or throughout the relationship. But that's just us...
The MSNBC survey found a whopping 44 percent of women are
bothered if a man expects them to help pay. The only reason we could
think to explain this phenomenon is that these ladies are just pissed
because they still only earn 77 cents for every dollar dudes make. So
what do you think?
3 CommentsLeave a comment |
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Whoever does the asking is sort of tricky but that's how I voted. Usually I (as well as other guys) have to do the asking, concomitantly putting us in the payer position. If a woman asks me out likely that I'm not totally feeling her yet, in which case it is totally natural that I wouldn't want to fork over any earnings for the date. Only one time have I ever not paid for the first date though asking and that was a weird circumstantial sort of joke that led to that. What this does set up is a situation in which a second date is more likely because, hey she has to pay for a date one time - aka next time.
I think "whoever does the asking" is definitely a good rule, although as Colin says that basically means the guy pays nine times out of ten. But the reason I prefer it to the others on the list is that it's the only one that applies only to the first date. Even then, the rule helps mainly just to smooth things along. Presumably, if there's a second date, the daters will be comfortable enough with each other to figure out something that works for them.
Personally, I like to alternate payments -- and this applies for going out with friends as well as dates. It provides a good excuse to see somebody again, as Colin said. "Hey, don't I owe you a [drink, meal, movie, etc.]? How's Friday?"
I just went on a date this weekend where I picked up dinner, but my date insisted on paying for drinks afterward, and I was glad to oblige. It didn't precisely even out, since the dinner was more expensive, but nonetheless I thought that was a handy way to deal with the "Who pays?" problem.
I almost voted "whoever does the asking" but ended up voting "the man, no questions asked."
Here is the thing that's hard for me: as an admitted (and proud) feminist, I like to think that antiquated gender roles are no longer necessary; therefore, he who asks for the date, pays for the date and both parties are equal.
However, though I ALWAYS offer to pay for the date (first, second, or 100th) whether I asked for it or not, I'm totally peeved if the guy doesn't cough up the dough for at least the first three dates.
I'm also a broke student who usually can't really afford to pay for the dates, so that may have something to do with my stance here....