In a world of fast food, high-speed dial-ups, express lanes and single-application yeast infection treatments, it's only natural to want your love and sex and to want it now. Life is short, after all. But rushing into things this week will be like eating at Burger King: it sounds like a great idea at the time, your mouth starts to water at the thought of those delectable onion rings, satisfaction so near you can smell it; but immediately afterwards, you invariably feel dirty, guilty and greasy--and not in a good way.

Talk is cheap when it comes to lust this week. But you're not always particularly good at expressing yourself anyway--so consider yourself off the hook! Do unto others as you would have done to yourself...with your tongue.

As a young lass, Lo used to give out unsolicited hickeys to unsuspecting male passersby on any given drunken Saturday night. This is an example of "appearing too eager." This is something you want to avoid at all costs this week.

This week, you will be prone to saying things that hurt your partner's feelings. Let them know how much you care by going parking with all the local teenagers--make out until the windows get all steamy and/or the cops show up.

Jealous feelings are about as reliable as a used car dealer. You'd research a second-hand car before plonking down your 300 bucks, right? So, before you let the green monster out of the cage, do a little research first. Chances are, you just don't have all the facts regarding a certain someone you are rather fond of. And if you're right, hell, unleash the ugly beast.

Life is like a box of chocolates--you want to sample as many as possible without getting sick or fat. Indulge your desire to sample this week, but beware of biting off more than you can chew. Who knows, you might find your very own Snickers, something that satisfies for a lifetime. Or at least a few months.

It's not that unheard of for people to mistake sharks for dolphins or surf boards. Just because the waters you swim in aren't the natural habitats for oceanic predators doesn't mean you won't get something bit off. Make sure you know what you're getting into.

Even a broken clock is right twice a day, and even the most grotesque fashion trend (shoulder pads, anyone?) is groovy every few decades. And even you, our friend, will have days when you sizzle more than a side of bacon in boiling fat. This week, take advantage of all the heat and energy and good bacon smell to turn that special someone into your own little piggy.

If there were a Zagat's of love (and lust), you'd be working your way from A to Z to find the best cheeseburger (or perhaps you're a, um, "vegetarian"?) around. But it's been our experience that the most satisfying dining experiences often occur when you least expect them, when you're not trying to score a seat in the best joint in town. Stop looking so hard and let love come to you. (Of course, sometimes if you head out without a plan, you end up at the Olive Garden. But hey, a meal's a meal, right?)

Cheaters never win and winners never cheat. Don't be a big fat loser this week.

On Monday you're likely to feel like the ninety-eight-pound weakling who gets sand kicked in his face at the beach. But don't despair! As the week progresses, your love life will only improve--by the weekend, you'll be pu-umped up and ready to flex your love muscle.

Your unique approach to life will attract all sorts of attention this week. Just be your free-spirited self, and interesting characters will gravitate to your side. Honestly, we're not attaching any kind of judgment to the words "unique," "free-spirited," and "interesting." And we're not trying to say that new-age hippie freaks will always gravitate to other new-age hippie freaks. We just think happen to think you're special, and it's about damn time someone told you so, ya new-age hippie freak.