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 Brian Alexander, author of America Unzipped and recent Bedpost Interviewee, answered a reader's sexual inquiry in his MSNBC column last week in a way we took issue with: "[Is] the body shaking out of control while your clitoris is being played with having an orgasm?Now, we think Bri is usually pretty thoughtful and quite funny when it comes to sex talk, but this left us feeling a little, um, dry. The clitoris is a super-sensitive organ and we could definitely see intense stimulation causing bodily shakes without orgasm in some women. And if this woman doesn't know what an orgasm feels like, then chances are she's one of them... What sets an orgasm apart from other generally pleasurable sensations is the series of involuntary contractions, usually centered in the genital region. It's like that Cliff Hangers game on The Price Is Right with the yodeling music: You are climbing towards those contractions just beyond the cliff's edge. The closer you get to the top, the greater the sense of inevitability that you'll reach those contractions. Assuming you or your partner doesn't suddenly change the technique that's working for you or your partner doesn't say something incredibly cheesy that takes you out of the moment and brings you back to the base of the mountain, then the orgasm occurs when you pass the point of no return and fall off the cliff's edge. You can't stop the contractions any more than you could stop falling in mid-air (though if your Mom were to suddenly walk in on you, the number and intensity of the contractions might decrease). The climb is usually fairly gradual compared to the quick fall (which, very generally speaking, lasts between 5 and 15 seconds). The final contraction is followed by a sense of physical resolution. You'll probably be breathing deeply. And as long as you don't have any issues with guilt, shame or embarrassment, then you should feel really relaxed. But as far as thoughts of mewling kittens go? We have no idea what the hell Big Bri is talking about there. 7 CommentsLeave a comment |
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After a break-up, do everything you can to avoid rose-colored hindsight. This may include playing that montage of fond memories over and over in the theater of your mind with the Dolby surround-sound system playing Muse or Maroon 5 on repeat. No good can come of this; you'll simply end up feeling more inadequate, lonely, and depressed. Instead, focus on your ex's faults. There must be at least one (besides their ability to live without you), even if it's just a malformed pinkie toe or a tendency to douse every meal in ketchup.
--From Buh Bye: The Ultimate Guide to Dumping and Getting Dumped 
 
Em & Lo, more formally known as Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey, are
the self-proclaimed Emily Posts of the modern bedroom.
Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New
York City.
Send your queries to us at
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Yep, BigBri is way wrong. When I was an innocent (?), preorgasmic, masturbatory teen, I got the shakes and thought that was the real deal, so I stopped. One time I kept going, though. That was a good call. (Understatement.)
I get the shakes and the above described feeling but somehow I still don't feel like I'm having an orgasm. My boyfriend is helping me work through it.
Seriously, a man can't give advice on a girl's most likely non-orgasms. If a girl has to ask that question anyway, she's never had one. Even if she says "I think I had one before" she hasn't.
I've been having orgasms since I started masterbating at less than 10 years old (Puberty hit me at age 9). Of course at the time I thought I was doing something bad, that I could get pregnant, but soon in 7th grade I learned that it was something lots of people do.
I dont understand how someone cant get an orgasm. There's always a way to stimulate yourself, especially by looking at porn.
A man could give advice, Sarah; that man happened not to. Come on, we all know what orgasms are. That bad advice could just as easily have been given by a woman.
I find that the best way to have an organism is to vigorously mastubate with a nice rusty cheese grater... works every time, but I can only take it a couple times a month!!
yeah, the shakes is like the very first stage of anything, the contractions are the key thing. What amazes (saddens?) me is that so many men don't seem all that clued in to this fact.