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![]() As a child, did you ever throw a whole handful of chocolate pudding at your father's head because he said you couldn't have a pony and then did you get put over bended knee and given a good spanking? If so, a new collection of studies presented at the American Psychological Association's Summit on Violence and Abuse in Relationships in Bethesda, MD, this week suggests that such corporal punishment may have affected your adult sex life. Abuse expert Prof. Murray Straus of New Hampshire University polled 207 college students in the mid-nineties and found that those who'd been spanked earlier were nearly twice as likely to enjoy masochistic sex later. Though it's a little Freudian-sounding for our tastes, the idea that early childhood experiences may affect our later sexual proclivities is not that shocking; nor is the idea of enjoying a little masochistic sex as an adult really all that disturbing either, if you ask us (assuming the spanking wasn't tantamount to abuse)--when it comes to adult sex, as long as you're not hurting anyone else without their consent, do what feels good (even if that means feeling bad). But there is definitely something shocking and disturbing about the results of the follow-up research Straus just presented... He found that those who were spanked as kids were more likely to coerce partners into sex and to have sex without protection--two things which can hurt others without their consent. Even more messed up than that? Straus's 30 years of studying corporal punishment has shown that, consistently, about 90 percent of parents strike their toddlers. If you've ever cringed in horror as you've watched some little kid get walloped on by an overly impatient parent at the grocery store, then you probably agree with the American Academy of Pediatrics, which says that spanking isn't really an effective strategy for reducing undesired behavior: timeouts or the removal of privileges is better. The world would be a much better place if everyone could agree not to hit their kids, and just let them develop their own perversions as they grow into adult sexual beings. Masochism is so much hotter when it's a choice made in the name of experimentation and adding spice, and not some sexual imperative as a result of previous trauma. So let's say (hope) you weren't spanked as a child but think you'd like to be as an adult...? For a cute site on "honey buns" with vintage photos, advice, and even "spanking cream," visit SpankingCream.com. Also, GoodVibes.com's "Whipsmart" video has a good visual how-to chapter on love patting. SpankingBlog.com will keep you posted on all the latest breaking spanking news. And for inspiration, there's Spanked, Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 1 and Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 2 all by Rachel Kramer Bussel.
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After a break-up, do everything you can to avoid rose-colored hindsight. This may include playing that montage of fond memories over and over in the theater of your mind with the Dolby surround-sound system playing Muse or Maroon 5 on repeat. No good can come of this; you'll simply end up feeling more inadequate, lonely, and depressed. Instead, focus on your ex's faults. There must be at least one (besides their ability to live without you), even if it's just a malformed pinkie toe or a tendency to douse every meal in ketchup.
--From Buh Bye: The Ultimate Guide to Dumping and Getting Dumped
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