Daily Bedpost - All About Sex with Em & Lo

FOUND 03.20.2008 BY EM & LO

Lo here (Em's out shopping). So, I just read the Observer's "trend" piece on adult women who eschew high heels, dresses, and most makeup for more casual comfort:

Urbane tomboys in $200 jeans, they wear sneakers to the office or the studio (they probably work in a creative industry). They've largely given up on mainstream women's fashion, with its expensive, often unflattering vicissitudes, finding refuge in an eternal sporty girlhood that may or may not be tied to any real athletic bent. They borrow from menswear, which is more constant, comfortable and, lately, focused on well-made basics like jeans and T-shirts, and they profess ignorance of female grooming rituals, even if they have a secret love of eyeliner. Ever self-deprecating, this kind of woman is quick to tell you she "wears the same thing every day," or that she dresses like her husband or boyfriend.

Save for the $200 jeans part, they just described me to a T. I would love to raid Ellen DeGeneres's closet. I wasn't that offended by the scene from Ally McBeal in which one of the asshole male characters called women mentally handicapped for subjecting themselves daily, by choice, to painful high-heeled shoes. In high school I wore Annie-Hall-style vests, ties and hats, and as an adult I've worn many a suit-and-tie ensemble to fancy events that otherwise would have "required" a dress. I can wield a makeup brush with elan, but I buy one compact of eyeshadow and it lasts me an entire year. And it's no accident that Em's the only one with cleavage in our Impertinent Question videos.

But one of the main motivations behind my style choice is strikingly absent from the piece: a rejection of equating femininity with revealing sexiness. Since when did dressing like a stripper make you a real woman? Not that I think Em dresses like a stripper. (You know I think you've got great taste, sista!) Nor do I think that plunging necklines and daring up-do's can't be empowering for some. But I look at the styles of today's pre-teens and teens, and I feel sorry for them. The pressure they must feel not only to be thin but to be "sexy" must be immense--and most of them don't even know what that word means, having not yet figured out what decent sexual pleasure is (at least not with a partner). Adult women don't have it much easier (have you been through a checkout aisle at the grocery store recently?), but at least with age comes more freedom of choice. Or maybe just laziness.

Some of you might be thinking: a sex writer who doesn't dress sexy? And who's straight? Does. Not. Compute.

But for me, sexiness is more of an attitude than a fashion (yeah, I just came from an Ad Copy 101 class). And sexiness can certainly exist outside the narrow confines of current industry standards, no matter what Cojo says.

Similarly, I don't think going against the grain in this particular manner makes one unfeminine. In a letter to the editor of the New York Times Magazine, a reader took issue with their recent description of Ellen Page as a tomboy. Why must confidence, comfort, and understated beauty automatically be equated with the masculine, she asked (I'm paraphrasing). If it is, then it means you're either getting your tits out to catch a man or you're putting them away to be like a man. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

So while I ate this Observer article up with a spoon while wearing sweatpants, I just wish they had chosen a different moniker. Maybe "The Comfort Queens." Hmmm, definitely not as catchy.

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6 Comments

said:

totally the same- its rare to see me out of my converse and the only make up i'll willingly wear is eyeliner- but that's more coz i have naturally long eyelashes so mascara makes them look fake

have always been paranoid about the size of my breasts (too big for me) so cover up- the smallest amount of cleavage look like loads!

March 20, 2008 10:49 AM

Colin said:

Plus a guy knows if you can get his attention in sneakers and jeans (and don't get me wrong I go ga-ga and roll over and die for the type of style you're talking about here) he knows you will most likely completely knock him off his feet when you do decide to spice it up.

March 20, 2008 1:38 PM

Sandra M said:

I hate the word tomboy and have never used it, though I was a star athlete. It drove me crazy to be called a tomboy - as if to be good at a sport meant I was automatically not as feminine. I like all kinds of girlie things - lip gloss, mascara, and heels (another thing I hate, the assumption that all women wearing heels are suffering. I have powerful ultra runner legs with well-developed calves, and my heels are moderate, attractive, and not at all uncomfortable - I wouldn't wear them if they actually HURT, duh).

I like all kinds of things guys like too, and this doesn't make me less of a girl - camping w/ no showers, going for a muddy mountain bike ride, etc. I also happen to look great in a strapless dress. This doesn't make me MORE of a girl.

I'm neither a girlie girl (a euphemism for princess) nor a tomboy - I'm a woman who happens to be well-rounded beyond the stereotypes so many people are most comfortable thinking in terms of. The need to balkanize women to the nth degree seems to stem from a loopy belief that the caricatures served to us on TV/movies actually represent real women vs. the adolescent fantasies of producers and creatively bankrupt writers. For the last time: Carrie Bradshaw is not real.

Now someone wants to label me because I like ArcTeryx, Prana and Title 9 clothes? Sheesh. You can't win, even when you refuse to play.

March 20, 2008 2:19 PM

said:

haha to be fair even though i dress the way i do (first comment) i've never been called a tomboy

suppose its my hourglass figure which automatically stops things from seeming too boyish

but yeah- i agree with what colin said- it does make it more special when i do decide to make an effort

March 21, 2008 6:56 PM

said:

yeah i agree with colin- when i do decide to dress up and not wear the usual (first comment) then it makes it more special that i've made the effort

March 22, 2008 11:44 AM

stew said:

As a girly kind of guy that prefers tomboyish kind of girls, I think it's much sexier to meet in the middle of the supposed gender divide..

June 18, 2008 8:57 AM


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So, I just read the Observer's "trend" piece on adult women who eschew high heels, dresses, and most makeup for more casual comfort: Urbane tomboys in $200 jeans, they wear sneakers to the office or the studio (they probably work in a creative industry). They've largely given up on mainstream women's fashion, with its expensive, often unflattering vicissitudes, finding refuge in an eternal sporty girlhood that may or may not be tied to any real athletic bent. They borrow from menswear, which is more constant, comfortable and, lately, focused on well-made basics like jeans and T-shirts, and they profess ignorance of female grooming rituals, even if they have a secret love of eyeliner. Ever self-deprecating, this kind of woman is quick to tell you she "wears the same thing every day," or that she dresses like her husband or boyfriend. Save for the $200 jeans part, they just described me to a T. I would love to raid Ellen DeGeneres's closet. I wasn't that offended by the scene from Ally McBeal in which one of the asshole male characters called women mentally handicapped for subjecting themselves daily, by choice, to painful high-heeled shoes. In high school I wore Annie-Hall-style vests, ties and hats, and as an adult I've worn many a suit-and-tie ensemble to fancy events that otherwise would have "required" a dress. I can wield a makeup brush with elan, but I buy one compact of eyeshadow and it lasts me an entire year. And it's no accident that Em's the only one with cleavage in our Impertinent Question videos. But one of the main motivations behind my style choice is strikingly absent from the piece: a rejection of equating femininity with revealing sexiness. Since when did dressing like a stripper make you a real woman? Not that I think Em dresses like a stripper. (You know I think you've got great taste, sista!) Nor do I think that plunging necklines and daring up-do's can't be empowering for some. But I look at the styles of today's pre-teens and teens, and I feel sorry for them. The pressure they must feel not only to be thin but to be "sexy" must be immense--and most of them don't even know what that word means, having not yet figured out what decent sexual pleasure is (at least not with a partner). Adult women don't have it much easier (have you been through a checkout aisle at the grocery store recently?), but at least with age comes more freedom of choice. Or maybe just laziness. Some of you might be thinking: a sex writer who doesn't dress sexy? And who's straight? Does. Not. Compute. But for me, sexiness is more of an attitude than a fashion (yeah, I just came from an Ad Copy 101 class). And sexiness can certainly exist outside the narrow confines of current industry standards, no matter what Cojo says. Similarly, I don't think going against the grain in this particular manner makes one unfeminine. In a letter to the editor of the New York Times Magazine, a reader took issue with their recent description of Ellen Page as a tomboy. Why must confidence, comfort, and understated beauty automatically be equated with the masculine, she asked (I'm paraphrasing). If it is, then it means you're either getting your tits out to catch a man or you're putting them away to be like a man. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. So while I ate this Observer article up with a spoon while wearing sweatpants, I just wish they had chosen a different moniker. Maybe "The Comfort Queens." Hmmm, definitely not as catchy. Comments (6) \| Permalink \| Add This \| Email This Tags Beauty Fashion Gender Issues 6 Comments said: totally the same- its rare to see me out of my converse and the only make up i'll willingly wear is eyeliner- but that's more coz i have naturally long eyelashes so mascara makes them look fake have always been paranoid about the size of my breasts (too big for me) so cover up- the smallest amount of cleavage look like loads! March 20, 2008 10:49 AM Colin said: Plus a guy knows if you can get his attention in sneakers and jeans (and don't get me wrong I go ga-ga and roll over and die for the type of style you're talking about here) he knows you will most likely completely knock him off his feet when you do decide to spice it up. March 20, 2008 1:38 PM Sandra M said: I hate the word tomboy and have never used it, though I was a star athlete. It drove me crazy to be called a tomboy - as if to be good at a sport meant I was automatically not as feminine. I like all kinds of girlie things - lip gloss, mascara, and heels (another thing I hate, the assumption that all women wearing heels are suffering. I have powerful ultra runner legs with well-developed calves, and my heels are moderate, attractive, and not at all uncomfortable - I wouldn't wear them if they actually HURT, duh). I like all kinds of things guys like too, and this doesn't make me less of a girl - camping w/ no showers, going for a muddy mountain bike ride, etc. I also happen to look great in a strapless dress. This doesn't make me MORE of a girl. I'm neither a girlie girl (a euphemism for princess) nor a tomboy - I'm a woman who happens to be well-rounded beyond the stereotypes so many people are most comfortable thinking in terms of. The need to balkanize women to the nth degree seems to stem from a loopy belief that the caricatures served to us on TV/movies actually represent real women vs. the adolescent fantasies of producers and creatively bankrupt writers. For the last time: Carrie Bradshaw is not real. Now someone wants to label me because I like ArcTeryx, Prana and Title 9 clothes? Sheesh. You can't win, even when you refuse to play. March 20, 2008 2:19 PM said: haha to be fair even though i dress the way i do (first comment) i've never been called a tomboy suppose its my hourglass figure which automatically stops things from seeming too boyish but yeah- i agree with what colin said- it does make it more special when i do decide to make an effort March 21, 2008 6:56 PM said: yeah i agree with colin- when i do decide to dress up and not wear the usual (first comment) then it makes it more special that i've made the effort March 22, 2008 11:44 AM stew said: As a girly kind of guy that prefers tomboyish kind of girls, I think it's much sexier to meet in the middle of the supposed gender divide.. June 18, 2008 8:57 AM Leave a comment Name Email Address URL Remember personal info? Comments (You may use HTML tags for style) Captcha: Type the characters you see in the picture above.	In one sense, revenge sex—when you sleep with your ex's nemesis, roommate, sibling, parent, or pet in order to pay them back for dumping you--totally works: how could your ex not be grossed out / horrified / disillusioned / damaged for life? But unless your ex is a few peas short of a casserole, your cunning plan is sure to backfire, because they'll know exactly why you slept with their paste-eating dork of a sibling, and the most overwhelming emotion they will feel is deep, abiding pity for you. --From Buh Bye: The Ultimate Guide to Dumping and Getting Dumped Green + Organic Sex Toys at Babeland You know you want it! Em & Lo, more formally known as Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey, are the self-proclaimed Emily Posts of the modern bedroom. Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City. Send your queries to us at emandlo@dailybedpost.com and drkate@dailybedpost.com. Want your sex dream analyzed by the Daily Bedpost dream expert? Email us at dreams@dailybedpost.com. Anonymity always honored! Check out Daily Bedpost on MySpace.com.

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