A friend of ours used to sneeze three times in a row right before she climaxed--every time she climaxed. It became a fun little advance warning system for her boyfriend. We thought of her this week when we read that allergy season is the happiest time of year for sneeze fetishists. Now, we make it a rule never to say that something is "normal" or "abnormal" in bed because A) who knows what goes on behind closed doors?, B) people used to say that oral sex was deviant, and C) who wants to be normal in bed anyway?? But we think it's pretty safe to say that a sneezing fetish is a tad unusual. Not unusual as in weird, just unusual as in, probably most of us won't date a sneezing fetishist in this lifetime.

On the one hand, this fetish kind of makes sense to us (at least as compared, to, say, formicophilia). After all, a full-body cathartic sneeze is one of the closest physical experiences to the orgasm there is (that and a great BM). And do you remember how in junior high, everyone used to say that three sneezes equalled an orgasm? (Though we're guessing that the people spreading that particular rumor were doing a lot more sneezing than orgasming at the time.) Also, we suppose there could be something sexy for some people about hearing a stranger's body doing something fairly dramatic that's totally beyond their control (in which case: do queefs count, too?).

Perhaps for sneeze fetishists, an observed sneeze during the morning commute is a preview of that person's O-face. (And we think this is a much better explanation than the L.A. sex therapist quoted in the ABC News article who says, "Suppose a child were playing with him or herself and at the same time they hear someone in the next room sneeze. The connection is made." What about the poor kid who happened to be rubbing up against the couch when Larry King Live came on TV?!) But on the other hand, every time we hear a phlegmy sneeze, our inner germaphobe can't help but wonder, is that person going to wash their hands before holding the subway pole?