Dear Em & Lo,
I can come really easily during masturbation, but I have never come with my boyfriend. I really want to try out a toy during sex, as I think it will help, but every time I bring up the topic with my boyfriend he gets defensive about it. He says things like it'll replace him and that I'll want the toy more than him, and whatnot. It's just that I really want to share an orgasm with him. What can I do?


Dear Unplugged,

Um, how about you tell your boyfriend that you want him to give up orgasms for 2008. If he complains, tell him that his hesitation makes you think that he cares about his orgasms more than he cares about you. And whatnot. This might help bring your point home...

Or perhaps you want to take a kinder, gentler approach. In which case you could go toy-shopping with him so that he can help you pick out a toy that doesn't intimidate him so much. We can totally understand him not wanting to share the bed with a work-house like the Hitachi Magic Wand or a multi-tasker like the Rabbit. But what about a soft, stretchy love ring with a mini vibrator attached? Perhaps he wouldn't feel so one-upped if he was wearing the toy himself. After all, a love ring isn't much use to you if it's not wrapped around his penis. If a love ring is too hardcore for him (after all, those toys are known as "cock rings" in less polite circles), perhaps a finger toy like the Fukuoku 9000 would work for him. This turns his fingers into magical vibrating digits--again, he's not being replaced, he's simply being enhanced with a little battery power. If it makes him feel better you could promise that you'd never use the toy on your own fingers. Then again, we think he should quit his whining and stop being such a selfish jackhole. But that's just us.

Bad cop, bad cop,

Em & Lo


Anonymous Male said:

This guy's got "issues". So he's probably not so good in bed. I'm willing to bet that he feels totally threatened by his GF enjoying herself with his help. In short, he's a pathetic, selfish looser! "Unplugged" should "trade up" to a new BF!


I have the same issue in the bedroom but I have an amazing sex life. My husband understands that I need a little boost. He says as long as I have fun with or without it, he's fine with it. Nothing would disappoint him more than knowing I was not pleasured at the end of our love making. It sounds as if you're in a serious relationship. You should be able to TALK to him and he should respond to you calmly. Sex is a healthy way to express your love. You should be able to discuss it like you should be able to discuss your favorite foods. It's that simple. Tell him what makes you happy and that you would appreciate his understanding. Do whatever you have to, but don't give up on this. You deserve your orgasms too!

Leave a comment

Type the characters you see in the picture above.

Ask Em & Lo
In need of some sex-related advice?
Email [email protected].

The Doctor Is In
Got a sexual health question?
Ask [email protected].

Do Before You Die
Office sex, public sex, group sex -- tell us
what you'd like to try someday at
[email protected].

A Day in the Life...
Got a job or hobby that gives you a unique
perspective on sex and dating?
Email [email protected].

Sex Dream Analysis
Get your nocturnal fantasies expertly
analyzed at [email protected].

Anonymity always honored!

[Body By Glamour ad]

Em & Lo, more formally known as Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey, are the self-proclaimed Emily Posts of the modern bedroom.

Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City.

Check out Daily Bedpost on MySpace.com.