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 We often think we can do a better job at answering tough sex questions than other writers out there, hence our regular feature "Sex Advice Review," in which we obnoxiously critique what we think they got right and wrong (see Worst Booty Call Tips Ever, How to Write a Naughty Email and Am I Having an Orgasm). Well, the Psychology Today blog has just put us on the receiving end of a similar kind of smack down. Remember when we, along with other sex writers like Dr. Ruth and Dan Savage, admitted in Slate.com's "Don't Ask the Sexperts" article what we've never been able to figure out about sex? Our own personal stumper was why virginity is still defined strictly in terms of penile penetration. So the evo-psych know-it-alls over at Psychology Today decided to enlighten us... Their response to our virginity conundrum is pretty interesting, if slightly annoying in its smugness. And we're always wary of evolutionary psychology's explanation for bad modern behavior (see The Caveman Mystique). Still, it's a good read. Now maybe we'll be a little nicer in our own Sex Advice Reviews... Oh, who are we kidding? 3 CommentsLeave a comment |
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After a break-up, do everything you can to avoid rose-colored hindsight. This may include playing that montage of fond memories over and over in the theater of your mind with the Dolby surround-sound system playing Muse or Maroon 5 on repeat. No good can come of this; you'll simply end up feeling more inadequate, lonely, and depressed. Instead, focus on your ex's faults. There must be at least one (besides their ability to live without you), even if it's just a malformed pinkie toe or a tendency to douse every meal in ketchup.
--From Buh Bye: The Ultimate Guide to Dumping and Getting Dumped 
 
Em & Lo, more formally known as Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey, are
the self-proclaimed Emily Posts of the modern bedroom.
Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New
York City.
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I understand their answer - especially considering it's Psychology Today - but I still wish we could just rewrite the definition to apply to our sexual culture today. Virginity may be important concerning property rights, but it's also important in our society as part of self-definition (and really, in defining others as well). People definitely use whether or not they have had sex (another word whose definition needs to be updated) to partially define who they are, whether privately or publicly.
That answer still definitely doesn't satisfy me. Didn't we, at least as the US, dedicate ourselves to abandoning the idea of other human beings as personal property in 1861?
I appreciate where they're coming from but I think the answer is too simplistic. We all know that virginity is a huge issue in modern culture w/out incorporating religion, property rights, etc . . .