gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
After months of chasing relationships that lasted about as long as a Pamela Anderson marriage, you're ready to pursue something a little more permanent. We're not saying you'll necessarily attain it, but damn if we don't admire you for trying.

cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
Your friends and colleagues have been hogging the spotlight for way too long. Well, guess what? It's open-mic week and you're the only one who signed up! So have your jokes ready and your make-up just right and remember that stage fright is just an illusion created by superstars to keep us plebes firmly planted in the audience. (And if that doesn't work, just pretend they're all naked.)

leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
Plan a trip. Whether that means going sky-diving on a first date, going to a B&B after a month of dating or going to Paris for a long weekend with your long-term partner, just plan something. Hell, throw together a cheesy scavenger hunt if it will get you and your luva off your butts.

virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
The green-eyed monster is out to get you this week. But, like the Loch Ness Monster and the Abominable Snowman, this ghoul only exists if you say it does. Be a skeptic, not a hoodwinked believer! Your significant other might be about as trustworthy as a tourist's monster sighting, but this is not the right time to address your suspicions or jump to any conclusions. Take a chill pill and let somebody else go monster-hunting for a change.

libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)
You know it's always the hot ones you're super attracted to who break your heart the worst. The cold-hearted cute ones who render you useless, lying in bed on weekend afternoons watching straight-to-video movies on UPN and eating whole bags of chips in one sitting. Either that, or they just bore you to tears with their inane banter. Learn your lesson, talk some common sense into your hormones and get some depth--make sure the people you're with have things to talk about besides their hair products or the car they drive.

scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd)
HEY SCORPIO, CAN YOU HEAR US? Sorry to yell, it's just that you've been so distant lately. It might be time to move a little closer to some people in your life. We're not suggesting a group hug, but just a conversation with someone you've been meaning to get to know better. And no, email doesn't count.

sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st)
For those of you Libras who care what other people think: before you leave the house, even if it's just to run to the corner deli for a bag of hot wasabi peas and a pint of soy milk, primp as if you're going to run into an old fling--because chances are you will this week. Even if you're not interested in rekindling any ancient flames, at least you'll look good and they'll be eating their heart out. If you are interested in repeating history, then looking your best will only increase your chances.

capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
Look out, the Capricorn mating season has begun! You're ready to buy the house, build the picket fence, choose the wallpaper and pick out a cable package that's right for the two of you. It's nothing to be embarrassed about; everyone gets the nesting instinct at some point. Why not share the joyous news? Who knows, that certain someone may already be marching to the beat of your biological clock. And hey, everyone loves a cheaper cable bill.

aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)
If you're going to talk the talk, you better be able to walk the walk. And with the game you've been talking this week, you better be able to talk the talk, walk the walk and chew gum all at the same time. If you can't, you might want to trim your act a little and focus on what you can do. Because, trust us, no one looks sexy when they bump into a lamppost and choke on their gum.

pisces (Feb. 19th-Mar. 20th)
Nope, no, we don't want to hear it. Shush. Uh uh. Zip it. Just shut your mouth. We mean it. Zippit. No, no. Zzzzzzz. Zip. It! It's somebody else's turn. You know whose.