I went through this exact same situation with my boyfriend/husband (together 12 years now, and married for 3)! I am a very verbal person, so I like to say "I love you" and I like to hear it too. It bothered me that I wasn't hearing these words, until I realized that I was focusing only on WORDS and not taking in all the many, many, many, MANY non-verbal ways my sweetie was telling me he loved/loves me. Bad girlfriend, no biscuit. Once I stopped obsessing about a verbal form factor for "I love you" I found I was actually being showered with "I love you"! When I relaxed about this, he relaxed. It took several years, but now he tells me he loves me easily in words as well as deeds.

Don't break up with a good, sweet, kind man because he's not following the script in your head. Remember, he has his own script, and you are surely not following that one either :)! Communication is everything, yes, but embrace the power of "and" and don't limit communication to only spoken words.

'I'm not sure if I can handle him not saying it. Is that wrong?'

Yes, that is wrong. He's told you why he doesn't say it, he's come as close as he feels comfortable to saying it as he can, and still you want more? If you can't handle it you should break up with him so he can find someone a bit less selfish.

I can't vote with those options. There's no way to know.

But it also doesn't matter; she makes it clear that she needs not one, but two things: for him to love her, AND for him to be willing to say he loves her. Without part 2 there's no deal regardless.

So basically he needs to "man up" (pardon the incredibly sexist term, but it seems appropo here) and either (a) say he loves her (as I have done) or (b) tell her he's not ready to say that, but that he'll (they'll) work on it if she wants. Otherwise - dump him.

If you are already disappointed that he has not said anything, then in my mind going on with him and the relationship will always be disappointing as he will always be non-verbal. Take my word, I am now a wise woman who has virtually compromised myself out of my own marriage. My husband is quiet and very stay at home and I am very verbal and social. In the beginning you can ignore it but eventually the resentment catches up. Run now, don't look back, never ever settle for less than you want!

Ooh, the poll is CLOSE.

I think he's just one of those guys who's not into saying it. Which isn't such a bad thing - I think it's worse to have someone saying it every five minutes!

He doesn't need to be shouting it from the rooftops to be feeling it, in my opinion. Perhaps it took him so long to say it back (and if he said it later, he DID say it back) is because he needed to examine his feelings, as guys are wont to do. Again, not a bad thing - you definitely don't want him rabbiting it back at you because he feels he has to!

I said it to my boyfriend and he hasn't said it back but I think its just harder for guys to say it back and also i'd rather he said it when he felt it- I've had "i love spending time with you" and "I love your eyes" etc i think he's just not ready (also we're 18)

He might have felt that coz you said it during sex you might not have actually meant it

What the first commenter and Michelle said.

I'm with the first commentor too. My fiance isn't super verbal but I've learned to tune into his non-verbal actions.

Obviously I don't know your guy, but do his actions say what he can't otherwise verbally articulate?

If his actions don't say what you want to hear that's another story - being on different pages emotionally isn't fun.

I thought I wanted someone who was as verbal as I am and now I realize that what I need is someone who complements my verbalizing - which my fiance does. It's the right fit for me because his actions talk to me. If the actions weren't there, I wouldn't be here in the relationship.

Trust your heart - my head can rationalize it either way.

Guys don't say it, they show it. There may be many reasons that they are uptight about saying it --and your boyfriend listed a few of them for him. Let him show you. Men aren't wired to communicate quite the same nor conditioned socially the way we are. If all else is going well, why hang up on this? He told you he loves you. Model to him how to show and say love.

There are many people who say it easily and it ends up being meaningless or to mean something else entirely to the person saying it...try to relax and just see how things go...in my opinion and experience...

"He's said it in the past and it hasn't worked out."

Oh jesus christ, if we all followed this logic no one would say or do ANYTHING because of how it's gone in the past. Sorry, that excuse bugged me a bit. Anyway, I do think he loves you, but I suppose he shows it in a different way. You need to decide if it's really that important for you to hear it. Remember, anyone can say "I love you," but still treat you like a doormat.

I went throught a similar ordeal with my current boyfriend. I was slightly tipsy, told him I loved him, and he said "I know". WTF! It was a pretty crushing blow to the ole self-esteem.

A few days later, after venting to a number of my girlfriends, I got the courage to bring it up to him (while sober). It turns out that his family rarely says those 3 little words, which is quite the opposite of my family (it seems strange if my mom and I end a phone call without saying I love you).

The good news is that my boyfriend is coming around to saying the words, instead of just using non-verbal cues (slowly but surely). So keep working it into your normal routine...good night, I love you...have a good day, I love you, etc. I bet he'll come around too.

I completely agree that it is actions, not words that speak the loudest. That being said, if he knows that hearing it is important to her, he should be willing to make the 'sacrifice' for her and verbalize it now and then if he really feels it.

His refusal to do so just shows that his needs are more important than hers. His lack of action could be telling.

Psychologically, there are people who are verbal in love and others who show love through actions. Often, trouble ensues when one type falls for another and vice versa, but neither gets the message because they're trying to communicate in their own way.

This guy just isn't verbal. What bothers me is that he doesn't even TRY to show his SO love in the way she has explicitly said she likes it. Would it kill him to say "love you too"?

I think the trick in this situation is for both partners to be flexible. They need to learn to both receive AND give love in different ways. That way everyone is happy.