You know you probably shouldn't. You have so many more important things you could be doing, like paying overdue bills, cleaning your kitchen, sending those thank you notes, getting your cat down out of the tree. But the following headlines just suck you in like a black hole--you try to look away, but you can't. These stories from last week could make great conversation candy at your Fourth of July party, but do you really want your neighbors knowing this is how you spend your time on the Internet? (Okay, they're not all that bad; we just need to self-flagellate a little when posting this kind of trash.)

• Defamer: "Mini-Me Sex Tape Conclusive Proof That Civilization Is Doomed"

• Time: "Japan's Booming Sex Niche: Elder Porn"

• Fox in Cincinnati: "Ohio Man Who Had Sex With Picnic Table Sentenced"

• Slate: "A Brief History of the Bikini"

• Women's Health: "56 Reasons to Have Sex: It's not just for tickling your taco" (that's the actual tag line!)

• Time again (same issue!): "And God Said 'Just Do It'"

• Nerve: "Wanderlust: A New York Times travel columnist surveys his global network of 'mistresses'" (It's not what you think.)

• Newsweek: "What Should Have Tipped Anne Hathaway That Her Ex-Boyfriend Was Big Trouble?"