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08.29.2008  BY EM & LO
Photo via Splash

A weekly round-up of our favorite sex-related musings on the Web:
  • Boinkology's Lux Alptraum laments the stoopid laws that make it illegal to purchase a sex toy in New York if you're under 18 (and in some states, you're supposed to wait until you're freakin' 21).
  • Trend de la Creme introduces us to the Raquel Welsh-inspired skong trend. It's like peek-a-boo for your vajayjay. Yeah, we think we'll take a pass.
  • The Love Coach ("Helping Nerds Date Since 2008") nominates their Top 50 Sexpert Blogs, and yours truly made it in! Thanks to Dr. Kate for boosting us into the "Professionals" category...
  • Feministing relishes taking down a new anti-feminist guide to college sex. (Though we have to say that, out of context, we kind of liked this line from the book: "In real life [Sex and the City's] Carrie would have warts or herpes."


How do you feel about the closing of Playgirl's print publication?; pornography; titillation; Playgirl; impertinent question; barnes and noble; Women; Nudie; homo; porn; naked; gay; homosexual; men; straight; How do you feel about the closing of Playgirl's print publication?

Photo via Splash

This week's bucket list edition goes out to a whole bunch of women who have written in to say that they're straight but fancy getting jiggy with a lady. Take this note from Allie, for example: "Before I die (actually, before I settle down), I want to sleep with another woman. How do I tap into my bi-curious side, and how do I even find someone to experiment with?" Oh, and if you're on the fence about attacking your own bucket list, consider this: Dave Freeman, co-author of the original 100 Things to Do Before You Die book, died this week at age 47, after hitting his head in a fall (his family says he got through about half his list). So here are a few tips for all you post-college L.U.G.s out there. Go on, do it for Dave!

1. Online personals are the perfect place to find a candidate for your L.U.G. fling. And if you're not quite sure you're ready to jump in yet, it's a great way to flirt with other gals online and get an idea of who might be your type by window-shopping. Just make sure you're honest -- don't go checking the "looking for a serious relationship" box.

2. If part of your bucket list wish is to actually get picked up by a lady (or do the picking up yourself) then just head over to your local lesbian bar. Because believe it or not, you'll find a whole bunch of lesbians there.

3. Many a straight woman who has taken it upon herself to "experiment" assumes that the entire lesbian world will be giddy with excitement at the prospect of a one-night stand with a het gal. So this het gal walks into a lesbian bar and can't believe that the other patrons aren't falling over themselves to get to her. But a lot of lesbians just can't be bothered with the hassle of a woman who may freak out halfway through or just not commit to the cunnilingus. If you're one of those het gals who always relies on the man to make the first move -- shame on you -- you may have to actually get off your butt and do some of the heavy lifting seduction work yourself.

Q: Why doesn't my boyfriend like to cuddle?

Gay Committed Guy (Terence): Boys don't like to cuddle 'cause it rarely means foreplay. Cuddling is an
end to itself. You cuddle, and that's it. No climax. And half the time you wind up with a kink in your neck or trying to ignore your arm that fell asleep half an hour ago. Have you tried following up your cuddles with a happy ending?

Straight Married Guy (Frederick): I dunno. He should. Cuddling is nice. What's his problem? Cuddling is the physical manifestation of intimacy. Sometimes guys have issues with that. I don't know why. I guess some guys just want to have a zen experience after sex, and intimacy complicates the feeling of freedom. Try to be cool with no touching after sex for a while. Then sneak in a cuddle in a different setting, in front of the TV, waiting for a flight. Then try working a little cuddle back in after sex.

Straight single guy (Chris): He's tired, sweaty, or cheating on you. He also just really, really wants to finish watching Top Gear.

Actually, he does like to cuddle, just not when you like to cuddle. Want to lay on his lap while watching a movie on the couch? He'd be fine with that. You get cuddle-time and he gets to enjoy the movie without you talking over it and asking questions about shoes. Want to spoon up with him in the morning before eventually giving him a
blowjob and sending him off to work with a huge smile on his face and a super-boosted ego? By all means.

Want to cuddle in bed on the night the air conditioner brakes down and the bedroom temperature is something approaching "broil"? Actually, no, he'd rather change places with you so he could be closer to the fan. Want to cuddle at 5 a.m. after maniacal gorilla sex and a facial ending? Well, no. All that gorilla sex takes effort and he is tired and sweaty and feeling like a man. The last thing he wants is to wrap his arms and legs around you and pretend he loves you. He really wants to call his friends to brag about what a slut you are, then smoke a joint and go to sleep.

Our "guys" are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week's Straight Single Guy is Chris DiClerico.

08.28.2008  BY DR. KATE

Dr. Kate,

I am writing because unlike your recent column where the girl has been bleeding for six months, I have not had my period in almost as many. I have taken three pregnancy tests at three separate times throughout this duration, including one yesterday, so I know I am not pregnant. My periods have never been on the dot regular but this is the longest it has ever been. I have been on a diet for two months, am somewhat overweight and stressed at times and I know all those things can contribute, but can they make it last this long? I also have gotten off birth control about a year ago. My main dilemma is that I do not have health insurance and I am beginning to wonder if it is a big enough concern to actually spend the money out-of-pocket to visit a doctor. I was recently laid off so my health insurance went with the job as well as any cash flow which is why I am turning to you, I would like to know if you think, A) I should visit a doctor immediately, B) What could cause this long absence and is it normal? and C) Could it be just caused by the things I mentioned before--getting off birth control, diet change, stress, and being overweight? I am anxiously awaiting your answer since I am out of ideas.

Missing My Periods

Rachel Kramer Bussel is a prolific producer of erotica anthologies--the last time we spoke with her, we marveled that she was the editor of not one but two anthologies just on spanking alone. Well, turns out that she still had more to show and tell when it comes to spanking, because she just put out her third anthology on the topic: Spanked: Red-Cheeked Erotica. We figured it was about time with sat down with Rachel for a good ol' natter about the art of spanking.

What makes a good spanking story?

Buildup and anticipation. You have to show the reader why the person wants to spank or be spanked, what about their partner drew them in; is it a case of them just needing to be spanked, or is there something about this particular person that makes them want to bend over? Creativity is key too; there are so many ways you can get spanked, so many implements and scenarios. Yes, some may be clichéd (schoolgirl, punishment, etc.) but even those you can add new life into if you do it right.

This is your third spanking anthology! Is there really that much to say about spanking?

I think spanking is so varied because it touches on the physical and emotional, and each encounter is different.

So what's the physical appeal of spanking?

I'm not a doctor so I don't know exactly, but for some people the charge they get from being spanked turns them on, plain and simple. Everything from the positioning (bent over, for example) to the way the spanking impacts your genitals, can cause arousal. For me, it's one of the fastest ways to get me close to orgasm, and that happens very quickly--not every single time, but if the other person is into it and we're connecting on that kinky level, yes.

After the jump: D.I.Y. spanking props, spanking roleplaying, and the spanking "sweet spot," oh my!...

We love this Little White Lies Levi's ad. Just imagine if everyone agreed to spill the beans right before unbuttoning their flies for a bout of casual sex: Despite what I might say in the morning, I'm never going to call you. I'm only sleeping with you to get back at my ex. I think I might puke. Please hold me. In a perfect world, of course, this commercial would contain just a few more lines of dialogue before they do it: "I had crabs last year but they're all gone now." "I have genital herpes but I haven't had an outbreak in five years." Yeah, two advice ladies can dream.

  • Glamour has compiled a very honest list (by men) about the 14 things he wants you to know about his body. And here we thought we knew just about everything. Our favorite is number nine: "When it comes to our nipples, most of us can barely feel anything...unless you bite them, and that just hurts."

Dear Em & Lo,

I have genital herpes and rarely have breakouts. I just started dating someone. How and when do you recommend I address the issue? Oh, the stigma!


Dear T,

First of all, we'd like to give you a Golden Dildo Award for bravery and honesty in the face of danger (or, at least, in the face of temporary chastity). If only everyone felt as compelled as you clearly do to offer up the full scoop on their sexual histories. Unfortunately there are too many people who don't understand that if you've got something, you gotta tell. Sex is not a right, it's a privilege, and you've got to earn that privilege via honest communication about your bod and where it's been. If more people fessed up to STDs, then we'd all know a little more about them--and probably not be so freaked out. Knowledge is power, and power is sexy...

Ask Em & Lo
In need of some sex-related advice?
Email [email protected].

The Doctor Is In
Got a sexual health question?
Ask [email protected].

Do Before You Die
Office sex, public sex, group sex -- tell us
what you'd like to try someday at
[email protected].

A Day in the Life...
Got a job or hobby that gives you a unique
perspective on sex and dating?
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Sex Dream Analysis
Get your nocturnal fantasies expertly
analyzed at [email protected].

Anonymity always honored!

[Body By Glamour ad]

Em & Lo, more formally known as Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey, are the self-proclaimed Emily Posts of the modern bedroom.

Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City.

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