indie_rocker.jpg
Our friend Mr. Indie Rocker--who insists on remaining anonymous--is a saucy Brit who is lead singer and lead guitarist for a New York-based band. (We'd tell you the band name, but that would kind of blow his cover.) He checked in from his U.K. tour to tell us what he's learned about sex and love on the road. Note to self: Never have more than two drinks before attempting a striptease, and never ever attempt to strip to Tracy Chapman.

Do you think it's true that everyone seems hotter and more interesting when they're on stage?

I never understood that. And believe me, musicians are generally the sweatiest and smelliest dudes there are. Somehow girls don't have a problem with that. I played with a drummer previously who hadn't washed in days. We had been on the road for about three weeks at this point. He picks up this exceptionally sweet girl and goes home with her. He told me the next day that she had performed numerous acts on him that were downright wrong. Now just think for a minute how sweaty drummers get every night. Think how long they have to sit in that drummer seat and play through the set. Then not washing for days. Then imagine what kind of things that poor girl performed...

So you have groupies?
 
There have been numerous occasions where you have to ask someone for their identification just so you're not going down that slippery road where the girl's mom or dad will be picking them up at the end of the show whilst she's attached to your arm. Numerous occasions where I witnessed that--not participated, of course.  
 
How has being in a band changed your dating life? Being the lead singer in the band has to be the best pick-up line ever, right?
 
That line only works if you live in L.A. and are in a cock rock band. Actually, being in a band ruined my dating life for way over five years. Anyone I met, I would attempt to take them home within the first evening simply because
I knew I had one night in one town. You gotta move fast and you gotta be direct. I would advise not to try this method when you actually live somewhere for fear of fucking things up with someone and running into them later that week in your local bar. Awkward to say the least.
 
How about your sex life, has being in a band changed that?
 
It damages the quality of women you get. Your sex life might improve but you're not exactly working hard to find the right girl or a girl you want to spend more than a lunch break with. You're just having fun. I'm definitely having a hard time adapting to seeing the same one girl all the time. My eyes wander...
 
What has being in a band taught you about sex and relationships?

Here is where stories always answer that question better. A band member met a girl whilst we were playing a festival in the U.K. They started talking in the bar and she mentioned she had a boyfriend--of course, this didn't
concern our band member. He proceeded to get in a cab and head to her place. Once they got there the girl mentioned that her and her boyfriend were going on holiday tomorrow and that this was a bad situation. Once
again this had no impact on the band member. Instead they end up having sex and in the morning she dropped him off at our hotel and went to meet her boyfriend whereupon they spent the next week in Spain together. I believe that story explained sex and relationships in one go. What a world we live in.  
 
Have you ever serenaded a girl to get her into bed?
 
No. I'm English and that's way too girly. But I was once serenaded by a girl. She took me up to her place, threw me on the bed and said, "Just relax." She pressed play on her stereo and proceeded to sing and strip to Tracy Chapman's "Fast Car." Do you have any idea how depressing that song is?! It was a painful experience. She was really putting some effort into it but was beyond drunk, and halfway through she ran to the bathroom and puked. Then passed out. I carried her onto the bed. Laid her flat on her chest so she wouldn't choke on her own
vomit and I got the hell out of there!
 
What's the best way to pick you up?
 

Ha--I'm English. We take what we can get. [Ed: Total false modesty, btw!]
 
What's the worst?
 

Serenading me with Tracy Chapman!
 
When's the last time you had sex, and how was it?

Yesterday afternoon. Afternoon sex is the best. It was good for me!


4 Comments

natasha b said:

Can we guess? My guess would be:
Paul Banks the lead singer from Interpol

Tyler said:

I love how being in a band confers a certain status or authority in our society and the link it has with sex appeal.

I'm just glad you can get the same results through other means... because I can't sing or play an instrument!

Nice interview... keep up the good work.

Tyler

said:

Paul Banks is not British

Laura said:

I recently got married to a guy who's in a band. I heard some pretty interesting, funny, sad stories from him. My favourite story of his is the time he tied a girl up with a broken metallic guitar string, then had to stop midway through sex to take her to the hospital to have her wrists looked after. Couple lessons: no playing with musical intruments in bed; no drunken sex involving bondage (I can attest to that - I was once tied to a bed post for 12 hours because both the guy and I passed out.)

Gods, how I love musicians!

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