please.

as long as you're getting the sex you want, when you want it, don't worry.

that said, if it bothers you now, it will only continue to bother you even if it doesn't get more frequent. you'll be looking for clues on whether or not he has/is masturbating, etc., eventually and that will only drive you crazy and create a huge chasm between the two of you.

masturbation isn't always about being horny.

i would recommend you seriously think about moving in together. asking him to NOT masturbate, or curb the frequency, is unfair - if you're bothered by it now, it will only get worse.

perhaps you just need to find yourself a man that never wanks. (bwahahahahahahaha)

Masterbation is as normal as taking a breath of air. Yet I can not understand why anybody would rather go off by themselves to jerk off than be with their lover in the flesh. I only masterbate when I'm alone. Given the choice, I'd much rather feel a real tongue on my clit than my own finger or vibrator! If I were this gal I'd sit my lover down & ask him what is lacking between us. Just my opinion.

This isn't about a difference in sexual appetites, or just something all men do, or really any aspect of strangling the rosy-headed soldier of love. This is about compulsive behavior. If the compulsive behavior involved--say--having to get up several times a night to see if the oven were on or a refusal to do anything on any date divisible by three, you'd see it as an obvious psychological problem and--especially if it were someone you cared about--would work hard to get him help. Well, it's that sort of a problem, but because it involves sex you're loathe to make a judgment. Make a judgment. Help him help himself.

Replace the word "masturbation" with "plays video games" in your question. Is it still a problem?

I'd answer yes. I'm a guy who used to "play video games" all the time. But then I got off my fat ass and forced myself to not be lame and focused on creating something rather than wacking it.

If you're bored you're boring.

Only masturbates 3 or 4 times a week? Maybe there's something wrong with him. Most guys have to be milked once a day. Maybe you could try masturbating, or for kicks, the two of you could masturbate together. Don't be so sexually uptight honey.

It doesn't matter whether the behavior in question is playing video games, watching porn, masturbating or smoking crack.

The key thing is that the boyfriend says "that he doesn't like doing it but can't help himself."

That's an addiction, plain & simple.

@AlanK

I agree with you. I'm a daily 'bator, but a couple of things raised red flags:
1) That he does it for hours at a time. I mean really, nothing else to do?
2) He doesn't like doing it, he just can't help himself So this means that he's either lying or has a personal problem, i.e. a compulsion.

Maybe he'll let you become a "part" of his masturbation by watching him. Roleplaying where you "catch" him jacking off, or sneaking a peek from aroung the corner. Or, you could prop your legs up across the room from him and watch each other take care of business. Try it, you both may like it!

My husband "beats the commissioner" as we call it (long story) at least once a day, sometimes up to four times a day (!), but never for FOUR HOURS at a time--it usually takes him about five minutes. I don't get the four hours part, seems odd...but I agree with other folks, you need to lighten up and get involved.

Yeah, my boyfriend used to be self-conscious about masturbating for me, but I've convinced him I think it's hot, so now it's an activity we share. He jerks off for me while I touch other parts of his body (balls, ass, nipples), and then he comes in my mouth. That makes him so happy that my next few orgasms are guaranteed once he recovers enough to go down on me . . .

My boyfriend goes at it at least once a day. I personally do not see it as a problem. He told me he would much rather do the "real thing" with me than with himself. He's a guy and im sorry to say they can be more sexual then women. If he is constantly masturbating because you don't want to have sex at the times he does than let him, but if he perfers it by himself then that maybe a hint that there is something more going on.

3 or 4 times a week is not that often at all... i was at 8 times a day believe it or not... what he does is very common among men, whether liking it or not which most likely he does considering that he does it... i wouldnt worry about it either way, there hasnt been any reporting in the news about people dying from masturbating too much or too little

His "I can't help it" comment is not a sign of addiction, but a normal response considering you are confronting him about something he is probably not comfortable with. His saying he doesn't want to, but can't help it can mean 2 things to me.

1. He is not getting enough sex for his own needs. people's sex drives are different, so while you may not understand the drive to have more sex than you yourself want, it would be very obvious if the roles were reversed. Why is he sneaking off to a hotel bathroom while you're reading a book? It sounds like you should make it clear that he doesn't HAVE to masturbate. Yes, this means you have to be willing to help him out even if you're not in the mood. Is your husband's sexual health and satisfaction as important as that book? Of course, you probably heard about that after the fact, so do not consider yourself responsible or being judged for that incident. It's simply an example of something that could be avoided if you communicated to him that you are "available" when he needs it, even if you would not have otherwise wanted it. Of course, this means you have to enjoy it (or at least appear to, for your husband's sake, if it becomes a chore, he will notice and stop inconveniencing you.

2. His response is diffusing responsibility for something he believes you are upset about. When you confront him about it, you convince him that he's doing something wrong and he convinces you that it's not something he really wants to do (since it bothers you). If you were not essentially condemning his habits, it would not be something he is ashamed of. This bullshit about a compulsion and addictive behavior is bullshit. Addiction and Recovery goes out the window when you talk about sex. Addiction to sex is a trait that's been reinforced into our genetics for millions of years. (hint: lots of sex means lots of offspring, which means more children to pass along your own genetics, high sex drive and all)

Conclusion: Be understanding, be helpful. This is part of who he is. Perhaps the real issue is why he releases this sexual energy by himself instead of coming to you? That's the problem that I'd examine, not judge him for a high sex drive.

Masturbation is a natural and normal thing, but for some people, it can get seriously out of hand, especially when there's porn involved--because porn is such a strong, targeted stimulus. (Masturbation is normal/natural, but porn is not. For people who are susceptible, it can lead to serious problems with compulsion that can end up being as destructive as any other addiction.) As someone who lives with a man who is recovering from a serious porn addiction, it sounds like that might be what you and your boyfriend are dealing with.

I recommend that you check out www.sanon.org and learn a little about sex addiction, so that you can better evaluate what's going on. Porn addiction can be a very powerful thing, and a big problem. It's great that he admits he can't help it, and has already talked about getting help, and that you two have a decent sex life--all those things put you way ahead of the curve! But it does sound like he needs help, and your compassion--and that you both might benefit from learning more about the phenomenon of porn addiction. Best of luck.

They is nothing with that at least you will kno that he is not cheating you

3 or 4 times a week is not that bad. if it was 3 or 4 times a day then maybe, maybe, you have something to worry about. guys generally do it more than girls so i can see how it seems a lot to you. from what i understand a lot of guys do it at least once a day. besides why should you have a problem with it if your sex life is fine otherwise?