09.18.2008  BY DR. KATE

Dear Dr. Kate,

I am a woman in my mid-30s, in love with and living with my boyfriend and best friend. One problem that often occurs when we have sex in the (for lack of a better term) "doggie-style" position is that if my boyfriend comes out of my vagina and re-enters, my vagina expands and feels loose. We also hear sounds that resemble passing gas or fluids coming from my vagina. Needless to say, this is quite distressing as it ruins the mood and we lose interest in finishing the act. I have tried to research this problem but have not found any way to prevent this from occurring.  Could you explain what is occurring and, is there anything or things we can do to prevent this situation?

Distressed


Dear Distressed,

I haven't heard patients talk about feeling "loose" in the situation you describe: my best guess is that you're really aroused (yay!) so your vagina has gone through the appropriate changes--she gets longer and a bit wider to better accommodate your guy. These are all good things.

With regards to the sounds, what you are describing is a very common occurrence during sex that's nicknamed queef or vart, as in vaginal fart. Think of the penis as pumping air into your vagina during thrusting. The air can sometimes escape audibly, producing those sounds. Sounds tend to be more common in the rear entry position due to the angle of penetration. It doesn't mean you're over- or under-lubricated, and doesn't mean there's anything wrong with your pelvic muscles.

If you can't laugh about the sounds together, and recognize them as simply the by-product of good sex, I think you have two options. You can alter how you have sex--think different positions, shallower penetration, or slower thrusting. If all else fails, turn up the music!

How do you feel about the...extra sounds during sex?



14 Comments

The Stranger said:

Personally, I love the "extra sounds." Just makes sex that much more exciting.

Liz said:

Doggie-style is one of my favorite positions, I've experienced those extra sounds during sex and at first I used to get so distracted by it that I would start laughing, which is definitely not a good idea - it totally ruins the mood! My boyfriend wasn't even phased in the slightest about those airy noises, which also made me feel a whole lot less embarrassed. But laying down doggie-style and/or with a pillow underneath my pelvis definitely fixed those sound issues, but hey that's just me.

Evan said:

Sheesh. If you're not ready to deal with fact that our bodies make funny noises, not to mention smells and tastes, that sex can be, at a fundamental level, a ridiculous and comical act, you're not really ready to deal with sex - mid-thirties or not.

Sherri said:

It used to scare me that he would get turned off by the sounds. It actually made my b/f more aroused and the sex was better. I've learned to adjust to it.

Maddie said:

Haha, my boyfriend absolutely loves the sounds, he finds them erotic and loves that if feels like my vagina is kissing him while he pumps.
Seriously, all you have to do is just deal, it's not like it's a gross thing, it's air pumped in by sex, not expelled due to waste -shrugs-

Cat said:

They make me laugh and it does spoil the mood for a minute till I can get my "game face" back on :) But I've noticed if during doggy-style I consciously keep my vaginal muscles tight, like I'm doing a Kegel on his penis either constantly or when he thrusts into me (when air seems to get in), it doesn't happen nearly as often.

not aroused said:

what happens ifyour having sex with your partner and he is in the mood to have and your not all the time . Does that mean I dont find him pleasing me or what. sincerely not aroused

Me!: said:

Its a bit embarrasing if your with someone new. As far as your partner, they should already have an understanding. Who stops having sex because of noises? I believe thats all apart of sex. Some guys take it as a turn on and become overly exicted. I guess it depends on how "sexually mature" you are.....

Quiteness is kept said:

what happens when yo want to have sex with your boyfriend multiple times a day and he cant hang

not2bplayed said:

I have had these unusual sounds happen to me before also, when i first heard them i didn't know what it was and i was embarrassed, but i did so research and it's natural, it's the form and structure of how we woman are designed, remember where eternal . And plus if it occurs, just know that your guy is doing something RIGHT!!!!lol

guamdime said:

this has happended to me more ever since i've had my baby. it normally happends when i change positions from doggy style to missionary. i can't help it and i must admit , it is embarrassing, but my husband doesn't seem to mind. i guess i pretty lucky for that. its surprising to see how many women don't know what queefing is. i've known what that was in my early high school years way before i was having sex.

My Seacret said:

I love it! It makes me even more excited. It makes me just want him to keep stroking me more and more. I love the feeling it gives me inside while it's happening.

luvin it! said:

it never happened to me before i had kids, after having them tho, it happens from time to time, its not a big deal to us, we keep on keeping on...

said:

I like the extra sounds during sex. That just lets my boyfriend know that he's doing his job and I'm enjoying him!!! ;)-

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Em & Lo, more formally known as Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey, are the self-proclaimed Emily Posts of the modern bedroom.

Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City.

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