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 Our inbox is overflowing and we'll never get to all the lonely hearts, so each week, one reader's fate will be left up to the masses. Answer this reader's question by filling out the poll after the jump: Dear Em & Lo, A few months ago I had a one-night stand with a guy who (I found out in the midst of intercourse) was dating someone. I just caught a vibe in the middle of it all that there must be someone else, and I asked. They are still together, but recently he has been texting me. We had amazing chemistry and the most intense (in a good way) conversations. I would be okay with just being friends, but I am not sure what he is thinking. I was so upset with myself for sleeping with someone in a relationship, especially since I was cheated on not long before that one-night stand. His last texts were to tell me that when we hooked up that he knew he was dating someone, that he "enjoyed it," and that he thought I was sexy as hell. I tried to make him change the subject, even telling him that he made me feel like a whore when he told me things like that, and he kept harping about it. I am still unsure about what he is wanting out of all this. If you could offer any insight into what on earth all of this is, I would be grateful. It seems too strange to be a booty call, but I am not sure. Should I try to tell the girlfriend to save her any more problems? Should I tell him to leave me alone? Please help! This whole situation is making me want to swear off dating. --The Other Woman Okay, so clearly this woman should never sleep with this guy again, and clearly she should not attempt to be friends with him either. We're sorry, folks, but we refuse to let "you decide" that part of the equation. He's a cheat and an asshole who shouldn't even be with one woman until he grows up a bit, let alone two. (In fact, no man should be with more than one woman unless all parties have agreed to the situation, but that's a story for another day.) Instead, we're going to let you decide whether or not she should tell the dude's girlfriend... 9 CommentsLeave a comment |
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He obviously doesn't care about his girlfriend, and she apparently has no idea. While on one hand, someone may say that it's "none of your business," I think it has everything to do with you! If he's trying to get with you, his girlfriend deserves to know so she can move on to someone else.
Think about it - would you want to be with this sleazeball any longer than you had to?
I love the man hating tone in your comments... remember, women cheat just as much as men ;)
I say walk away. How many people have had people tell them their partner was a jerk but ignored them because "they just didn't understand" *raises hand*
Unfortunately, the girlfriend will just have to figure this one out for herself. It's not your responsibility.
I had a brief relationship with a guy where I was the "booty call". He claimed that his girlfriend knew. I am pretty sure that she didn't know and that the guy was a philandering asshole. I am also pretty sure that the girlfriend found out because the guy was afflicted with "guilty dick". If I brought up the subject of his open relationship it was half mast time. It is a sveevy jungle out there. I have since been celibate. This decision is not due to wanting to save myself for anyone person in particular. It is because the vetting process takes up too much time and energy. I can pour that energy into having a boyfriend or I can enjoy my life. Who said that women are high maintenance?!?!?
Something in her mind is keeping her attached to this guy even though he clearly exhibited asshole behavior. She's ambivalent about it, but still, there it is. I think she needs to examine her own psychology, so that she could have a good chance of choosing a nice guy and feeling good about it.
Don't tell. This guy's on a self-destruct mission. Don't be his detonator. You can't fix trouble with trouble.
The best thing you can do for both of these people is to cut it off totally and stay far away from them. You can't fix their problems, but you can refrain from contributing to them.
I can't imagine why you brought up the relationship conversation mid-coitus - you're kind of committed at that point, and it may as well wait - but if it was that important to you, I hope you leapt off the guy when he told you he had a gf.
It was a one nite stand....Walk Away
I agree, this guy reeks of sleazeball. If he really wants you and likes you, then he'll break up with his girlfriend. If he had any respect for his girlfriend, he would have cut her loose. Don't tell her, it's not your job. Besides, it'll turn messy and she'll blame you (i.e. the messenger) for "breaking them up," even though you didn't even know he was involved until mid-coitus. Rise your hands of this loser, and more power to you babe!
she should walk away because thats his problems that he has to deal with not hers. but if she feels that she has to tell her that shall be it.
You should let her know da truth even though it will hurt. If he is wanting a relationship with you then remember dat he cheated on his girl so y wouldnt he do it to you. ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER!!! If i were you I would have nothing more to do with this ass.