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Dear Em & Lo,

I am a 26-year-old lady and I love sex. I feel like I am addicted to it. If it were up to me, I'd do it five times a day just over and over and over. Also, my boyfriend lives far away; we only see each other once or twice in a week, so I masturbate like every night. Is that normal?

--Dirty Bird


Dear D.B.,

Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, oh god YES!

We're not shrinks, but it doesn't sound to us like you're addicted. Just imagine a guy asking the same question! Most guys we know masturbate about as often as they floss (at least, the ones with excellent dental hygiene habits do). Masturbating every day is good for you! It puts a smile on your face, it reduces stress, it can help lessen the symptoms of PMS, it pretty much always ends up in an orgasm for you, and it's 100 percent guaranteed not to give you an STD! (assuming you're not using someone else's sex toy or rubbing your hands all over your oral herpes and then putting them down your pants)...

And while not everyone wants sex five times a day, we don't think there's anything inherently weird about that, either. Plenty of guys want sex that often--you just happen to be one of those lucky gals who enjoys sex as much as the average dude. If you loved chocolate, we bet you'd want chocolate five times a day. You love sex, you want it five times a day. Big fucking deal! It's free, it's doesn't have any calories, it won't rot your teeth, and as long as you always practice safer sex, it can be good for you, too.

You know what the problem is? You're constantly hearing about women who don't have a high sex drive and who don't want sex all the time. But guess what? Not all women are like that. Just take our "You Decide" advice-seeker from last week, for example. Our female readers like to prove everyone wrong about the stereotypes of the female libido. Nasty rumors to the contrary, it's alive and well all over the country! 

That all said, if you feel like your non-sex life is suffering at the hands of your sex drive (Psychology Today has a pretty good definition of actual sex addiction), then you should of course seek out professional help: Talk to a counselor or therapist or even your doctor, if you feel comfortable.

But if, as we strongly suspect, your interest in sex and masturbation isn't having any negative effects on other areas of your life--i.e. you're still calling your mom once a week, you're making it to the office every day, you're not risking your sexual or emotional health, etc.--then we don't think you have anything to worry about. In fact, consider yourself one lucky bitch!

Addicted to the lovelorn,

Em & Lo


15 Comments

Camelia said:

I'm 58 years old, and I feel almost the same as D. B. I don't have a lover, but if I did, I'd want to do it a couple of times a day. I masturbate often, but it's very time dependent. If I didn't have to go to work and keep appointments, I'd do it twice a day. To all you post-menopausal women out there who have decreased libido or all of a sudden have difficulty reaching orgasm, look into getting some testosterone. I had no deficiency of libido, but the second thing was a problem for me. I use a topical application of testosterone (prescription required) and it has made a huge difference! My O's are great and getting better all the time.

Jay said:

I don't think mens' and womens' sex drives differ that much. I think women are just as horny as men are.

My theory is that women who claim "not to be into sex"...

1. Are with guys who no longer turn them on sexually, even if they feel emotional love for him
2. Are women who have not thoroughly explored their own sexuality and don't know what turns them on. Remember that your average guy has been whacking off twice a day since he was 13 years old, is therefore much more in tune with his sexual desires than a woman who diddles occasionally or not at all.

DB, not only are you normal, you're exemplary! Hooray for high sex drives!

Bianca said:

Wow, it's so nice to hear another woman talk about her high sex drive. I'm 27 and constantly horny. I would have sex 5,6,8 times a day if I could. There is nothing at all wrong with loving sex. It feels good, gives us an emotional bond with our partner, relieves stress, puts a nifty smile on your face and with those of us who truly tap into that Sexual Goddess, God! that can be so freeing. Relax, you're not a Dirty Bird. Go buy yourself a few new toys, and explain to your man just how hot and bothered you are. And maybe, he needs to visit you a little more often!

Kristen said:

DB, I DEFINITELY had this "problem" when I was in a long distance relationship. Once we were in the same place I wanted it less often because I was getting it more often, but I still had a higher drive than he did. We broke up (not really for this reason, though it certainly contributed) and now I'm with someone much more matched to my needs and it's fabulous!

Get your bf to visit more often and amp up the phone sex! Hopefully you'll find a way to live closer to each other so that you can see if my theory works for you!

Jenielle said:

I don't think that this is a problem at all I think it's very healthy. I'm also a 25 year old young woman, and I too love sex and can't get enough. My boyfriend is actually a couple of years younger than me and he says I wear him out. Go head and get as much as you can and don't let anybody tell you how you feel about sex is wrong.

Sherry said:

I am 40 married I would like to have sex 4 to 5 times a day but my hubby is happpy with 3 times a week or longer. So we have a system that helps me ou and makes him feel invovled.

Bianca said:

Ummm.... yea I am 20 years old & really addicted to sex ( well I think so) because within dis past week I have had sex at least four times a day every day with my partner and I just still can not get enough of it .... I mean its really like a drug to me ... I do not know if its the fact of me doing it or how many orgasims I have when I have sex....

andrea said:

i don't have sex much with my fiancee is that normal.we have atleast 1 a week. considering that we have kids we don't have much time for our selfs.also he doesn't know that i'm the freaky type and theres things i like that we don't do.and i'm afraid he'll get mad if i tell him that i want new positions i mean i have had sex before with another guy and i mean he was great in bed the hair pulling the biting the pinching, you name it he did it. i mean i like sex rough but if i tell him that i want it rough he starts thinking i'm having sex with some one else its just that i'm the freaky type and he just sticks to the same positions and he have about 15 minute sex and i mean want for atleast a hour or more.you know for me to have an orgasm and all.because its rare that i have orgasms with him.what should i do

Jerry said:

Anyone wanting sex alot should ALWAYS GOFORIT AND NOT BE AFRAID!
I am a 40 year old male who gets it quite often, at least once a day, and I want sex 4-5-6-7 times a day! I jack-off 3-4 times a day even if I get it twice. My wife could use sex less but "takes care of business" because she says I get too crabby!
I am physically fit and attractive and my wife lets me Doo other women (she does other gals also)ocassionally. She says I Know Where To Cum For Dinner!
Go for it and don't be afraid to explore!
I enjoy anal sex in my rear and my wife doesnt and will only ocassionally rub my anus even though she sees how much more of a powerful orgasm it gives me!

GO FOR IT AND HAVE FUNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sugarmamma said:

Hello,
First time writer but I found this very interresting. I was married for 14 years with a decent sex drive, but found that it went down after being married for about 10 years. After my divorce I did that wild thing and found out that the lack of "great" sex was not my fault completely. I will admit to the lack of communication on my part but the rest I really worked at, to no avail. After the divorced, the sex was on...U name it I did it and found it to be so much fun, with the right person. Today I'm not in a single relationship because I find that men my age rarley can keep up sexually(Im 45 and could have sex all night into the afternoon or atleast 2-3 times a day)...So I have three men, when one fails to come thru, oh well, I just say next!! LOL...Life is short have fun and lots of it!!! At my age I say get it while you still can!!

said:

What ever happned to having sex because you want to share your body and soul with the person you love. No offense but everyone who commented just talked about the act of sex not wanting to experience connection with your partner. It is scary to be dating in this day and age especially reading all this, I feel after my divorce I will be totally turned off to dating. I think it is pretty disgusting how you people handle your yourslef.

Chrystal said:

I agree. I own an online adult toy store and we do home pleasure parties for women. From what i can tell after doing about 1500 parties is that women want sex as much or more then men. Esp. once we in our 30's and 40's and 50's.

ALl of that stuff about women's sex drive is so old fashioned. Finally women give themselves permission to be horny and to have fun.

Maybe you should consider a sex toy! My favorite 5 speed bullet is a perfect masturbatory tool for fun alone.

Just enjoy it. Your b/f will b ethrilled toknow you have sucha high sex drive.

Blissfully, Chrystal
http://www.BlissConnection.com

said:

well... I an 22 years,I never had sex.. and frankly speaking I don't even know abt it very much. Earlier I never used to think about it.. as I am from a society where Sex is not discussed and people treat it a Bad thing(I guess so). But now a days , after having a boyfriend,I want to know about it competely.I want to know how it feels? How a woman feels while orgasm? Also I haven't discovered myself,what I like what not, because I never felt its need.
Now most of the time while I'm studying I think of this only. Sometimes I think its not bad, but sometimes I feel it may affect my studies,as I am a career oriented gal.My boyfriend leaves in other state and we dont meet often. Also i wont allow myself for sex before mairrage.(so no chance for practical knowledge..hehe..)I think I am not sexually inactive because when my bieu talks of intimacy,even on phone,i feel good.
But I really want to know about myself. Can you please tell me how can I discover myself?

PEA said:

SEX 5X A DAY IS A BEAUTIFUL THING!!!! I cant get enough. Phone sex, mastubation constantly, sex, sex, sex!!!! I crave it constantly.... I'm in my forties :-) My PC muscles are constantly pulling my lover in to give me more. I will chase him if I have too:-) I come with my own personal lubrication, so i have to wear shields allday. Get it Girl!!!

"Charles in Charge" said:

well, I'm 40 and sex is like a cute pair of shoes and I must have bag to match, I'm married and my husband's sex is off the scales, and before him I do believe I was and sex addict but now he's my drug of choice....everything about him turns me on..his drive is not much like mine, but when he gives it to me, I get my fix!!!

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Em & Lo, more formally known as Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey, are the self-proclaimed Emily Posts of the modern bedroom.

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